Wifey and Baby Mama

Shun (00:36.507)
Hey, I'm Sean.

Shannon (00:38.042)
Hi, and I'm Shannon.

Shun (00:40.001)
And we're the host of wifey and baby mama. Happy Thursday family. Happy Thursday, baby mama. Welcome to week seven, everybody. Man, I can't believe we're halfway through the season, Shannon. my God. Like time isn't waiting for anyone. And since time is not waiting, it's no use in us keeping you waiting. We have the hookup for y'all tonight, okay? And from the range of my voice, our fate was probably already figured out.

Shannon (00:50.49)
Yes. I know, unbelievable.

Shun (01:07.811)
We have a guest joining us tonight y'all we're going to talk about the importance of time And how time is waiting, you know and how time not waiting is a real thing time is imperative to tonight's topic title When it hurts more to stay And i'm say that one more time when it hurts more to stay And I think as reasonable adults we can all safely accept assess where this is going tonight, right? But if you had a long day

Shannon (01:36.121)
We can.

Shun (01:37.233)
And you need me to break it down. I got you tonight We're going to discuss what to do when love and respect is no longer being served in a relationship and Here to help us do that is the entrepreneur guru herself the goat and get into it Okay, the founder and CEO of raising a mongo a Legacy brand publishing the newest member of the administrative team of the foundry here in Buffalo, York. Now y'all got it. All right

And that's all before 6 a.m. on most days, okay? Not to mention the mom. She's a grandma, fiance, wife, boo. You know, all of that. Top it off. Returning to wifey and baby mama for the second time is my friend and my bestie boo since high school, Mrs. Zantale.

Shannon (02:07.15)
Yeah.

Shannon (02:15.61)
Call me.

Shannon (02:26.692)
We love it, love it, love it. Welcome back.

Tamara Zantell (02:32.236)
What an introduction. Thank you, thank you. Let's get to it. Hey, y'all.

Shannon (02:39.098)
Hey.

Shun (02:39.249)
Hey see the last time you were on here you guys had the floor and I couldn't do my thing So this time I got to properly introduce my friend Shannon we are lucky girl this girl. Did you hear all those titles Shannon? But yet she found the time She found the time to slide us in so it's gonna be good tonight y'all. So Shannon you ready, baby You ready to All right listeners

Shannon (02:46.874)
you

Shannon (02:51.428)
Yes we are. Yes we are. Yes we are.

Shannon (03:03.566)
I'm ready. Let's do this.

Shun (03:08.965)
Hang on. We got a good one for you tonight. Get y'all popcorn y'all blessed oil your wine whatever y'all need Okay, because we gonna give y'all something to talk about and think about tonight and i'll go ahead and warn you We're not gonna get to our other two segments tonight and we're gonna apologize in advance But I think what we have to say and what we have to discuss here is us panel of powerful business, women who've had our share of heartbreaks You're gonna want to hear it. We can try and save some of these young ladies men. ladies and men because sometimes we don't learn

I eat me until we get a little older right the proper way to be loved So hopefully what we say here tonight can help someone out, you know So Shannon, I think the last time we had tomorrow on we discussed how real friends don't talk every day, you know You and I don't talk any day We just had that little chat before tomorrow jumped on like it's been a minute like and we used to talk every day but life gets to life and sometimes so I'm thinking about our topic for this weekend

Shannon (03:51.96)
Yeah.

Shannon (04:00.864)
Life gets to life, and yes.

Shun (04:06.481)
You know when I heard some more to stay and then I just as soon as I'm done praying y'all because I do pray Shannon I know that you do too. We seek counsel, know Hey, give us the right words to say as soon as I was done with my prayer like yesterday like I have to get myself in the mood right to make sure we deliver in the proper thing I'll get on Facebook and I open up this post and I said God you be hooking your girl up like you'll be seriously Doing instant hookups. So I just shot my girl a line like what you doing tomorrow 730?

Shannon (04:16.762)
Mm-hmm.

Tamara Zantell (04:35.854)
Let's go.

Shun (04:36.105)
She's like, I got this this and that but I got you and I'm like see what I'm talking about So we don't talk daily, know, we don't talk weekly sometimes even monthly Shannon and it's the same for us Like I just said, but it's important to understand grown women type time, know, we shake, know We shake in different directions, but when it's time it's time. So tomorrow I've did enough I know we we all know when we need each other we're here. So it's whatever now y'all know I love to talk but it won't be me tonight We're gonna give the floor

Shannon (04:38.71)
See?

Shannon (04:47.374)
Yeah.

Tamara Zantell (05:00.75)
Absolutely.

Shun (05:05.329)
to the entrepreneur guru herself and Shannon not gonna sit back and enjoy this and kick in and get in where we fit in tonight. So T, why don't you tell the people the post that sparked the range of responses there on Facebook and share those points with us.

Shannon (05:10.456)
Yeah.

Tamara Zantell (05:19.183)
Yes, the fire So I'll share parts of the post you're gonna y'all gonna get a lot of my you know the ins and outs of my y'all gonna hurt my business, right? However You need to know where it came from. It came from me We talked to you've already mentioned Sean about praying like that's my morning meditation and prayer time

Shun (05:24.784)
Yes, ma'am.

Shun (05:32.482)
Hahaha

Tamara Zantell (05:43.463)
And what this is a new habit or ritual or routine whatever words you say what resonates with you that I've been doing For about three years now, it helps to center me it helps for me to reflect I've always been a really super hyper cut type person, you know jumping in the thing, know that whole Kicking in you know, I thrive in chaos. Right? So I've never really Up until recently and this since I started doing the work, right?

Shun (05:58.801)
You don't say.

Shun (06:11.174)
hehe

Tamara Zantell (06:11.95)
feel like I'm just always on the go. So I'm like, I needed to create a space in my life where I can sit still and just be, right? Experience, be present, reflect and think through. Cause a lot of times when we don't do that, you know, we miss time. We skip out on time. Not all of us, you know, remember everything like you, Sean, where you can, you know, write a book about your whole life. I'd like, girl, my book would be like three paragraphs cause I can't remember. But I'm just saying. So morning meditation and.

Prayer time is where I sit with me, you know, and that's when I have an opportunity I get these downloads, you know, I have time with God I have time with myself. I can just kind of get a feel for how I'm feeling what's missing. What do I need today? Lord? How do I feel today Lord and what I was doing my meditation this week this pulse came to me this topic of worthiness this topic of Abundance and really tapping into just delicious

Shun (06:44.187)
Mm-hmm.

Tamara Zantell (07:10.118)
manifestation of whatever it is that you want, you know, and how we often as women, we miss out on that, or we for some reason don't think we're worthy of it, we deserve it, or we can ask for it, right? Because society tells us you take what you can get, specifically as a black woman, like you take what you can get, Your job is this, we're usually working, living and surviving in a space of, or moving, excuse me, in a space of survival, as opposed to that thriving,

Shun (07:25.254)
That's right.

Tamara Zantell (07:39.33)
you know, So I have moved out of that. And as I reflect on where I was and what I've been through, this post was just kind of like, it just happened. Yeah, so the. Yes.

Shun (07:52.623)
Okay Well, no, well, let me tell you it didn't just happen it was divinely sent because this topic, know was already Shannon we plan out we do our topics at the beginning of the season, right? It's just we do this. We did these topics before we started the season So this week and that post was just divinely put together. So I so go ahead. It didn't just happen. Go ahead

Shannon (07:57.732)
Mm-hmm.

Tamara Zantell (08:05.122)
Woo!

Tamara Zantell (08:10.446)
Mm-hmm.

Shannon (08:10.84)
That's right.

huh.

Tamara Zantell (08:15.168)
Okay, chills, chills, chills. I'm here, I'm here. I'm glad I'm here. I'm clear, I'm clear. So it starts with, do these typical just-a-thought, right? And that's gentle way of saying, you know, this is my feelings. Like, this is just a thought I'm having that I wanna share with you, whoever you are that's reading this. And I kinda titled it, When You Know You Know, when it's time to walk away. And I talk about the fact that I've been married twice, divorced twice.

So when I say I know what it's like to be with a man who doesn't feel good about himself, while I'm out here killing it, thriving, like, right? Because that is a big problem. Even recently with interactions and relationships, it's really hard. It's not easy to exist in a space with someone that you want to be in relationship with when you're not equally yoked or you're not on the same page. Or when you have done the work.

and that other person is still limping along trying to figure it out. So it's like, just to be clear, we're all evolving. So we all have work to do, but we all have different lanes of that work. that work, it looks, sometimes if we're not in alignment, we can just really be shooting shots and just be missing. So.

Shun (09:17.275)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (09:32.369)
Absolutely.

Tamara Zantell (09:33.358)
You know, when you're a woman that's strong and evolving and we're open to abundance and we're like really working on ourself and man, trying to manifest our best self and your partner, right, is still stuck. I feel, I believe that the relationship will never make it in that moment. Something has to shift, you know, so this is where we get the whole, you know, sometimes it hurts more, you know, to stay.

Shun (09:56.056)
Absolutely.

Shun (10:01.083)
To say, my God, dude, you don't know how perfectly these topics align. Absolutely. I totally agree. What about you, Shannon? Have you ever had a situation when the partner was stagnant and mad at you for moving?

Shannon (10:08.953)
Yeah.

Shannon (10:15.642)
yeah, I've been there, but there have been different reasons. So, different stages in their lives and different stages in mine. So I'm curious to know when you say, you know, they're not moving or they're not stagnant. What are your expectations of them? Are they realistic to the person that you know, or are you trying to make them into something?

Tamara Zantell (10:15.854)
.

Shannon (10:45.038)
You know, sometimes you meet a dud and that's a dud. But you want to be with them anyway. And then you try to make them into something that they're not. But are you coming into something where you seem to be on the same page initially and it just goes awry? I'm curious there.

Shun (10:48.113)
That's as a fact

Tamara Zantell (11:06.85)
Yeah, I love that.

Shun (11:07.417)
Not go ahead. Yep. I was gonna tell I do to know you answer t

Tamara Zantell (11:11.616)
No, I was going to say, I think that's an excellent question, right? So I think it depends. The answer is it depends. It depends on when y'all meet. It depends on where you are in your journey, where the partner is in their journey, right? sometimes it might not, we all know a little bit about this. It might not be right now, right? But 10 years from now, we might be the perfect match, right? So I think that's why, right? So I think.

Shun (11:34.671)
wow.

Tamara Zantell (11:38.7)
These conversations are so important and that's one of the reasons why I wrote this and I put it out into the ecosystem because I'm like we need to have these conversations, know, just because I want love and I'm ready to build and I'm ready to grow it doesn't mean that my partner is it doesn't mean that he necessarily is he could be upset because he lost his job he could be upset because Well, he could still be dealing with issues or whatever fallout from you know, his daddy or his mama, right? Whereas I've already dealt with those things So if I've already dealt

Shannon (11:41.23)
Yeah, yeah.

Shun (12:07.279)
What?

Tamara Zantell (12:08.0)
and he's struggling through them. Right. Especially. Go ahead.

Shun (12:10.469)
You're going to be in two different places in your life. And let me go ahead.

Shannon (12:13.754)
Yeah, so do you have grace? Is there grace?

Tamara Zantell (12:18.22)
That's great question. That's what I was going to say, especially if the partner, if he's not willing to be open to the idea of change or evolution. So if you, we could all probably think of a place in our life, a time in our life where we were like, this is it, take me or leave me. Like, this is who I am because I am. And then we look back, we can look back two, three, five, 10 years and be like, I was straight tripping. Like, I really thought.

Shannon (12:44.751)
Yep, yep.

Shun (12:44.799)
Hahaha

Tamara Zantell (12:46.331)
I was doing some I knew I I knew it all and Lord have mercy now here I am so sorry

Shun (12:50.769)
Well, well, let me let me try and give a prime example shanna what you say Do you give grace or you know and and what you said to tita taut both of your points together My ex-husband was actually going through when we both worked at the prison The boy could have probably ran that prison as a warden with his eyes closed. He was a captain at the time They were so intimidated by his strong as by his knowledge and his skill that they just pounded him pounded him until he didn't have a job anymore

Because one day he went in there snapped and was like, I'll kill everybody in here. I'm like, okay. And they walked him out, but I kept telling him, said, they're going to bait you up. And so he lost his job. We opened the restaurant, which was another divine thing. Made way more money anyways than punching a clock. But anyways, I was okay with that. Like when he lost his job, I supported him. I'm like, you know what, we're poor for my four, okay? My dad got in, he's like, I'll help you out with y'all need. We we got the restaurant, got the building. We were doing our thing. But now guess what happens?

Now I could start to get promoted. I'm starting to go up. He starts resent me Even though we're killing it, you know, we're making money hand over fist in that restaurant. It's not the financial part It's like wait a minute. They fired me and you're going up So he started to resent me because I promote it like twice since he lost his job, right? And I noticed that that was another thing that got in between us besides, you know my obsession with jimmy But anyways, that's what you know, we have friction

Shannon (14:01.378)
Yeah.

Shun (14:14.865)
One day I came home. He was gone like you guys know the story, but now and who I am right now I'll write in the book doing the movie. He supports me and Jimmy like no other Because now he's healed he's remarried. He's in his space So sometimes I'm saying I said all that to say this sometimes it's good to give grace because that wasn't who he was That's who he was in the moment with all his damage with all his heartache That's why I didn't work for us right then

Shannon (14:29.422)
Yeah, wow.

Shun (14:44.795)
So that's if he wasn't a hater or what you say to he wouldn't have done. He was just a damaged person at the time. So

Shannon (14:44.954)
plan.

Tamara Zantell (14:48.525)
Right.

Shannon (14:49.602)
huh.

Tamara Zantell (14:52.066)
And that's the thing at the time. That is a great example. I have a similar situation with me and my Jimmy. I got a Jimmy too. I remember he was living overseas for a while. This was after our divorce. We literally could not stand each other, didn't talk forever, whole nother episode, right? But we to share these kids, we're five kids, right? So we're sharing these five kids. So we did talk obviously, but it wasn't, you know, it wasn't that great, but whatever. He was over there killing it.

Shun (15:01.445)
Mm-hmm.

Tamara Zantell (15:20.418)
top of his game, making a ton of money, like golfing, women, all the things. And then he came back to the States, he was in Barbados, came back to the States. The job he came back for, like they laid him off, it just didn't work out. So he needed a place. He came and stayed with me, in my kids, in my ways, in my independence, in my glory, in my amazingness. And it was like, what? He couldn't understand it.

It was literally so hard for him to manage while watching me thrive and literally kill it every day. And for him to say, I need help. Like I watched him gain weight. He sat on the couch. We couldn't communicate. He couldn't articulate what was wrong. It was just a hot mess. And I could not get through to him because he wasn't ready. There was no transparency. There was no vulnerability. It was just anger.

Shun (16:05.455)
My ex-husband did too. Yeah.

Shannon (16:12.89)
Wow.

Tamara Zantell (16:16.59)
And I was like, you know what? can, in this moment, I have a choice. I have to save myself and my kids. We can, I can, you know, lean into this hot mess or I can just put, know, allow you to do what you want to do and give you time to figure it out and continue to my vote. So I chose, I rolled my vote all the way to higher heights. And once he figured it out, he came back and now we're back to like, okay, maybe I'll see you on Friday. But he swaggers back.

Shun (16:21.819)
Mm-hmm.

Tamara Zantell (16:46.562)
He figured it out, you know, but I couldn't fix it for him. And I think that's the thing. I gave him grace. I didn't shame him. I didn't dishonor him. I didn't make him feel bad about himself. I didn't talk down to him about him to his children. He was still who he was to all of us, but he just needed time to figure it out. Yes.

Shun (16:50.769)
That's right.

Shun (17:04.153)
said for himself, but here's the thing though You didn't allow him to make it to minimize you and that's what we got so women That's a key point here and men because you know We try to give advice because it's women the same way in the world T I mean it's women the men are out here doing their thing and the women just you going to work. I'm stuck here raising the kids and listen. We are all grown a people responsible for ourselves We have to take care of ourselves. Now, of course his partner's husband's wife

Tamara Zantell (17:10.125)
No, ma'am.

Shun (17:33.349)
We're responsible for each other. You know, don't get me wrong, encourage, lift it up. But when it comes to get into that finish line, no one can pick you up and carry. You have to run on your own two feet.

Tamara Zantell (17:43.714)
Yes ma'am.

Shannon (17:44.29)
Yeah, you do. And having partners, you know, on both sides though that are encouraging, you know, when you're married, your partner might have a dream that you might say, that's stupid.

But do you say that you kind of, mean, unless it really is, you know, you might say, okay, you know, go for it or whatever. If it is a little bit obtainable, you say, okay, well go for it. And then after a while they give up on it and they walk away from it. And at least you show some support because yeah, you show some support and you want the same for you. You know, when you're in a situation where you're doing something that might seem

Shun (18:08.152)
Yeah

Shun (18:20.849)
Sup, that's right.

Shannon (18:32.62)
Like Sean, you can even talk about, you know, writing your book or your series and all the things.

Shun (18:38.925)
We were supposed to be rich from me writing that book and I convinced my whole family to give me all day money And we still ain't got no money and I started three more businesses with the money I did make and we still ain't got no money. Yeah that part

Shannon (18:44.602)
You

Shannon (18:51.258)
But that's all right. Your husband, Jimmy, Jimmy supported. But you got the support. And you know, you know, it's all gonna be good in the end. So you do want to make sure you're encouraging your partner and that they're encouraging you and you don't want to be in a situation where...

Shun (18:56.209)
you

Shun (19:05.563)
Absolutely.

Shannon (19:14.306)
You know, all your dreams, thoughts and dreams are shut down. Every time you open your mouth, they're like, you're stupid, or you're this or you're that. That's never going to happen, you know?

Shun (19:14.939)
So.

Shun (19:23.441)
Now I will say he does say, know very strategically and supportively What now what you're doing now? okay. So how much that cost? that's gonna make you a lot of money. Okay, and I know he's being sarcastic But you know, he never not says no we ain't doing that like this ain't made no money yet. He never says that

Tamara Zantell (19:42.316)
No. But that means he's all in. He's giving you space, he's giving you grace, and he already knows what you're capable of. So when you're equally good with your character and you've proven yourself, or they really believe in you, right? So let's talk about that a little bit. So we say believe in someone, we all start with this like base level of belief and love and care for someone. But then if someone just starts going around.

Shun (19:54.161)
Absolutely.

Shun (20:07.217)
Mm-hmm.

Tamara Zantell (20:08.596)
and just being, you know, just reckless and wild and here we are 10 years in and it's never worked out. It's like, hold on, dude. Like, it's not gonna work out, right? So this is what the post was a lot about is like, you have to save yourself. You know, you can't just go down with the ship for the sake of love. You have an option. We get to choose. You have to decide, right? So do you just burn it all down for the sake of love or for somebody else? Or do you back away, continue to shine?

Shun (20:16.864)
Ha ha ha ha!

Tamara Zantell (20:37.12)
and live within your truth if you know it and maybe it'll work out later. Maybe we can circle the block. I don't know. So I gave, I talked about these seven things in the post, you know, and I said.

Shun (20:45.361)
That's right.

Shun (20:52.079)
Yes, and I want you to run through those start with one and we'll do a little bit because I do want to get through all seven of those because they were wonderful. So go ahead.

Tamara Zantell (20:58.094)
Yeah, so I position the seven things. First, I just wanted women to know that these are the seven things that I was thinking of in that moment that I want them to be ready to activate in a second. As soon as your instinct, you get that feeling in your gut and we all get that intuition. We all have that doubt. We're like, you know what? thing is right here. This might not be it. We have it, but we ignore it a lot of the time.

Shun (21:24.069)
Mm-hmm.

Tamara Zantell (21:24.75)
feel it deep in your gut that this is not working and he's not the right one. You know, and maybe I'm being held back or maybe he's tripping or maybe it's not me, right? Because we're taught to think that a lot of the time we're the problem. So we have to fix not only our problem, but everybody else's problem around us. You know, we have to be ready to make a move. I also position this so that it's for the men to know about us as strong women, right? So the first one is her independence, your independence.

Shun (21:43.889)
That's right.

Tamara Zantell (21:55.014)
You know, I want people to know that she doesn't need you. I don't need you, but I want you, right? So we have to first believe it. We have to shift our mindset here to realize that it might feel like a real need, but when it comes down to my wellbeing, my lifeline, this is just a desire. Like I want, but I can survive without you, right? And if a man can't meet you halfway, you know, you have to understand that I'm gonna keep it moving.

Shun (21:59.665)
Absolutely.

Tamara Zantell (22:24.002)
You know, when I

Shannon (22:24.482)
Yeah, and this is a topic that I would love to have a man on eventually because I ran into this with my husband where I'm independent, we married late in life or whatever, and that is so threatening to them because they want you to need them and to be dependent and to have them accept that you just want them.

Shun (22:44.859)
to be

Tamara Zantell (22:46.061)
Yes.

Shannon (22:54.498)
You love them and you want them no matter what. It's like, how do you, how do you overcome that? So this is a, this point right here was one that when I saw this one, I was like, my God, you know, this is going to hit a lot of people because there are so many women that they don't need the financial. They don't need anyone to pay their bills. They don't need anybody to.

or man, I'm sorry, they don't need the man for that reason. They just want him because they want him, they love him, they adore him, and men find that hard to accept.

Tamara Zantell (23:34.458)
Absolutely, because that's what they've been trained to think as a provider. If I'm not providing meaning more than you, then I'm insignificant. I'm not worthy. And that's the work that he has to do, right? Because if I do need you and I also want you, it's like I need you to keep me safe. I'm expecting you to provide these things for me, right? To treat me like a gentleman, to make me feel beautiful, to make me feel sexy, right? There's all these things that I might need from you or better yet want from you.

Shannon (23:38.158)
Yeah. Yeah.

Shannon (23:46.351)
Yeah.

Tamara Zantell (24:04.302)
but it might not just be the financial piece. It might not just be, you moved into my house, right? So I think that's where the conversations need to have, where he understands and she's confident enough to explain to him and articulate that, you I wanna build a life with you, but I want someone that's equally committed the way I'm committed, right? And that commitment doesn't end with a dollar amount or.

Shannon (24:06.862)
Right.

Shun (24:07.195)
That's right.

Shannon (24:10.542)
Yeah.

Shun (24:25.411)
Absolutely.

Tamara Zantell (24:28.652)
you know, let's you have some money in their bank account, I can still love you the same way if you make less than money than me. But that's usually the hang up because of what we most men have been taught.

Shun (24:35.449)
Absolutely.

Shannon (24:40.311)
Yeah. Yeah.

Shun (24:40.581)
Well, listen before we move on to point number two, I agree with Shannon. We would love to have some male opinion. So if we have any male listeners on tonight that can give us a male side of this, please feel free to jump in and email us at wifeyandbabymama.gmail.com. That's wifeyandbabymama.gmail.com on any of these points. And that's for females as well. But again, we would love to have some male sides to this and we can maybe come back another show Shannon and read the male opinion to these points.

But I would love to hear your side. since we only have a female guest tonight, guys, that's your way to jump in at wifeyandbabymama at gmail.com. Ladies, do you have anything else on one before we jump to two?

Tamara Zantell (25:19.798)
No, I think we covered it.

Shannon (25:21.742)
No, we don't have anything, but I'm sure we won't get to all seven. So it sounds like we're gonna have a part two of this, but keep going.

Shun (25:22.222)
it

Shun (25:28.369)
Nope she can she can read them chicken read them off Okay, read them off and then we can talk about them as a whole because I really want the women to get all seven points So to you if you would please read the read them off for me and then we'll discuss them in a hole

Tamara Zantell (25:44.556)
Okay, got it, I got you. Okay, so number two is her confidence. She walks into every room knowing she belongs there. If her shine makes you uncomfortable, that's not her problem. A powerful woman doesn't shrink to fit into anyone's box. Number three, her ability to speak her mind. She's not going to hold her tongue. Sorry. When she sees something that needs to be said, she says it directly and with love. That's the key, with love.

It's not about tearing you down, it's about being real. She wants to grow with you, not around you. Number four, her success. She's out here making moves, and if you're threatened by her success, that's on you. Her drive doesn't diminish yours. If anything, should inspire you to do more, be more, and match her energy. Number five, her standards.

Sis knows exactly what she wants. She's not lowering her standards to make anyone feel comfortable. You either step up or you step aside. Number six, her emotional intelligence. She's done the work. She's not afraid of deep conversations or uncomfortable truths. Those tough talks, she's here for them. Not to poke or agonize, but to understand and to grow together. And finally, number seven, her power.

to walk away. This is where the rubber meets the road. So important. She knows her worth. And if you don't align with her values, her vision, or her vibe, she will walk away without hesitation, without regret, and without looking back. She's not afraid to choose herself over anything that doesn't serve her.

Shun (27:33.883)
Boop-boop-bam Now that we got all seven Shannon we can go back and just touch on a few of them number two her confidence she walks in every room knowing she belongs there ladies and gentlemen Let me just say this again if anyone wants to minimize you so they can feel big They got bigger problems red flag and my best country Wayne boys get going. Okay? Get going immediately so

Shannon (27:41.828)
See you.

Shannon (27:45.601)
All right.

Shannon (27:53.69)
and

You know, for me, you know, I speak my mind when it comes to relationships and that's been, you know, in my marriage, I can speak honestly, you know, with me and my husband, he gets on me all the time about, he's like, why can't you just

Shun (28:02.309)
Shannon, that was one that stuck out to me. Did any of them stick out to you?

Shannon (28:27.042)
you know, agree why you have to always challenge me. Why do you always? Cause I will speak by nine and I tell him all the time, you know, it's that I'm not throwing a challenge out. I'm just saying what I'm saying. And if you disagree, it's okay. It's okay to disagree. And, and most men you agree to disagree, but most men or Lisa, I found this, you know, in, in my lifetime in,

Tamara Zantell (28:43.842)
Yes.

Shun (28:46.073)
It's all right. It's it's it. What is it you agree to disagree?

Shannon (28:56.98)
old, both men don't understand that concept. If you disagree, that means it's over. It's end of the road. It's this and that, or you hate me or whatever. I'm like, my God, you guys take it so far. You want to call us sensitive and you want to call us all these things just because we're not agreeing with you. Just say, okay, baby, I don't, I don't see it that way or try to understand it. If you don't get it or whatever, I don't care what the subject is.

Tamara Zantell (29:03.648)
It's a fun. Yeah.

Shannon (29:26.208)
If you don't feel it, if you don't get it, it's okay to not agree on every single point in your life and in your marriage and in your relationship. It's okay. Let me speak my mind.

Shun (29:37.275)
But let's say say this you don't as as as if that's right and as a man you don't have to always be right I mean that some of them some of them take that that head of the household Sears don't they take that hit? It's okay for us to have opinions, but I'm gonna say this Tomorrow those are some excellent points one two, three, four five and six Then we get to seven her power to walk away. This is where the rubber meets the road

Shannon (29:44.12)
Right, you don't.

Tamara Zantell (29:50.126)
you

Shannon (29:50.745)
I know.

Shannon (30:05.978)
Yeah.

Shun (30:06.179)
Let me tell you by the time we get to seven

This is after she's done one through six for years. We don't just up and walk away. Okay, so by the time we get to seven Understand you're pretty much done because we've done one through six for too long. Okay, and I know I've said it before my self-respect You know besides my self-respect health the safety of my kids I'll do most anything to make my marriages work. I promise you I will

Tamara Zantell (30:14.179)
Yeah.

Shannon (30:14.606)
Yeah, right, right.

Shannon (30:26.254)
Yeah. Yeah.

Shun (30:39.397)
I mean, I really ain't with starting over y'all hide my stretch marks, you know Waiting to wrap my hair till you leave because my favorite scarf done seen better days. You know, I mean I ain't got time for that Most importantly when you have children, I don't like disturbing disability of my kids. I mean I Know as women we give it all we got before we do number seven. Okay, but You got to realize when it hurts more to stay

Shannon (30:42.562)
yeah, yeah.

Shannon (30:57.626)
Right, right.

Shun (31:08.035)
It causes more damage people so when y'all see me divorced when y'all see me single I mean it can happen at any time. Please know that I did all I But I promise you I don't play with my peace. I don't do that anymore

Tamara Zantell (31:10.136)
Yes.

Tamara Zantell (31:17.437)
But here

Shannon (31:17.742)
Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And when you're hurting your kids, you got to remember the children.

Tamara Zantell (31:21.89)
Yes ma'am. But the other thing I-

Tamara Zantell (31:27.45)
When it hurts more to stay because that's something growth not only just something my growth because I can't be all I know I'm meant to be if I'm over here coddling you or I'm up under your black cloud of whatever you're trying to work through to doing dealt with that you need to talk to somebody about probably there right and then I'm also stunting you because I'm enabling you I'm allowing you this this nonsense or this dysfunction is okay in a marriage or in a relationship

Shun (31:29.861)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (31:44.507)
Girl.

Shun (31:49.585)
Absolutely.

Tamara Zantell (31:56.536)
So as soon as I leave, you're allowed to be like, wait a minute, I'm alone. What do I need to do to be in a health? You start to think about it a little bit differently. The man does, right? The person that do that.

Shun (32:08.657)
I was about to say not always the men because some of these women talk is a tech too. So let's just say Let's just say the person let's just say the person because I'm gonna tell you something once we've made that mental exit Partner you done now. You're just starting right, but we've been doing it for years We've been unwinding for years, but we out of here. So people will say man. She moved on quick man She got married last they just got divorced last month. No, I got divorced six years ago. I just stayed for my kids

Tamara Zantell (32:13.186)
Whoever!

Shannon (32:13.73)
that's true, that's true.

Tamara Zantell (32:18.791)
We're right.

Tamara Zantell (32:35.18)
This is...

Shannon (32:36.484)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Shun (32:38.513)
I'm just staying for my kids.

Shannon (32:40.331)
Right, right.

Tamara Zantell (32:40.526)
And that's exactly what Shannon just said it's like when the they're hurting more damage being done when it hurts more to stay is that we think about as the women specifically we're thinking about our children we're thinking about the family the well-being their mental health how they're gonna get like we need to just go ahead and nip this in the bud so we can all start to heal And I'll end with a rerun, right?

Shannon (32:52.11)
Yeah.

Shun (32:59.663)
It's a fact and if that means moving on pack your bags people

Tamara Zantell (33:07.374)
And let's be clear, it's easier said than done, but it can be done. It can be done and it can be glorious at the end. I think sometimes when we're stuck in the mess, it's like all the feelings, I'm gonna be alone. What will people say with the judgment, the shame, all the stuff. You can grow through it, you can pray through it, you will excel through it. And then five years later, six months later, you'll be like, this was the hardest damn thing I've ever done, but it was the best thing I could have ever done.

Shun (33:10.641)
I I'll trust.

Shun (33:24.113)
Mmm,

Tamara Zantell (33:37.186)
Right? So you have to believe us when we say, you gotta move. You gotta decide and then you get to move.

Shun (33:38.097)
Absolutely.

Shannon (33:42.874)
Bye.

Yeah, yeah.

Shun (33:46.129)
Absolutely.

Shannon (33:48.6)
really do.

Shun (33:48.987)
So I wanted to just make that real point real quick. I'm telling you before we get to seven y'all one through six has been done repeatedly. anything else y'all want to say before I wrap up? I need y'all to take that home tonight.

Shannon (33:56.11)
Ha ha ha ha ha.

Shannon (34:01.368)
Now I, yeah you do.

Tamara Zantell (34:03.502)
You can call me on the because the passion in our voices is like coming through. I'm over here with my hands. I'm like.

Shannon (34:12.442)
But we, of course, you know, there's always the the opposing opinion and we will have a flip side to this because I'm sure we do have those friends that have these marriages or these relationships that they walk away for trivial reasons. Like I have a girlfriend that walked away because her husband just wasn't fun. You know.

Tamara Zantell (34:26.306)
Mm-hmm.

Shannon (34:40.994)
It's like you have a good life, you have a provider, you have all these things and you're like, no, I have to go out and I have to do all these dance parties and whatever, whatever, know, what, you know, after, you know, 10 years of marriage. So, but that's another time, another day, but to not.

Tamara Zantell (35:01.134)
That makes me wonder what else was festering. You know, is it just that, you know what I mean? that's a long, yeah, there's lots of questions. I'm like,

Shannon (35:05.929)
yeah. Yeah, Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.

Shannon (35:14.97)
So, but that's all I have.

Shun (35:17.393)
What about you T?

Tamara Zantell (35:21.55)
I'll be wrapping up.

Shannon (35:23.254)
Yes.

Shun (35:23.587)
If you're done now, we want to your last points if you have the last points we were She's like no I want to talk more

Shannon (35:30.959)
Ha ha.

Tamara Zantell (35:32.204)
Seriously, I really think you know, I'm challenging people to think about this from all sides, know, like what Shannon what you just said I do think that there are some people that leave for trivially trivial reasons, but there's also people that stay Because that's society The government their religion or their mama They need to right so I think at this point as we grow and as we evolve we really need to do what's for us

We really need to sit in our mess and really decide what do we want our lives to look like? What do we believe that we deserve? And what do we feel really in like deep down inside know that we are worthy of. And I believe that life is short to just take a short, right? I'm here to live an abundant, delicious, glorious, yummy, amazing freaking life, right? Yes, life is life thing. Yes, things happen. Yes, the trials and tribulations will happen. That's a given.

Shannon (36:13.668)
Right.

Shun (36:17.393)
So no.

Tamara Zantell (36:30.338)
However, I also believe in the other flip side of that. I believe in fun. I believe in love. I believe in wild and sexy and amazing, dot, dot, dot, right? So in order to open ourselves up for that, we have to be really truthful with who we are and what we say we want. We have to be very crystal clear with what we say we want. Because I believe if we pray for it, if we prepare for it, we will manifest it and we will have it. But we have to be ready to receive it.

Shun (36:41.061)
Mm-hmm.

Tamara Zantell (37:00.224)
and nurture it and just enjoy it. That's what I got.

Shun (37:06.193)
Amen. Well, family, we'll leave you with this. When you're constantly facing the challenges discussed here tonight, it's up to you to decide. Decide if you're gonna do the work, if it can be done, to bring those key components of love and respect, you know, back to the forefront of relationships. Because sometimes it's not lack of, it's just that we get careless with our loved ones and comfortable not doing our part. And it can appear that we're done, but we're really not.

Tamara Zantell (37:10.542)
Thank

Shannon (37:25.838)
Thank you.

Shannon (37:33.507)
Right.

Shun (37:36.133)
We just need a tune-up right but in some situations is just unable to be saved and maybe that person Isn't even worth the energy anymore and I want to be really clear and explain that it's not the person we're saying every Individual, know has some good about them I mean we're all God's children and I know it's there some we got to dig a little deeper to find that good But I'm sure it's there. But again if they're not, know, we're not referring to the being itself I'm referring to the actions

When I say worth it, I'm referring to those individuals who are just there to use you, to make their lives better, or the constant habitual cheaters, the liars, the naysayers, those partners that shoot down every dream that you run by them. Now those are the kind of partners, I'm gonna tell y'all from experience, that it hurts more to stay within the end.

Tamara Zantell (38:27.502)
Mm.

Shun (38:30.705)
I'm gonna say one more thing to that point. It gets a little easier our younger audience as you get older You know, you tend to give a little more time and our 20s t Shannon we had time to play Was it with their mix what you really want from a nigga? We had time to play with them niggas We don't have time at 40 to play with y'all Okay, so as you get a little older Shannon tomorrow, it's easy to be like, you know, I'm out of here This ain't for me. It doesn't take long to realize. No, we're not doing this

Shannon (38:43.034)
That's right.

That's right. That's right.

Shun (39:00.357)
But again, that comes with age, with time. I wish I made better choices. I did it. But hopefully all of our experiences we shared here today can help you get on the right track before the baby's out of wedlock, the marriage for 10 years before you realize you ain't fun no more, whatever. Because we are all lived through it. We've all been there, that. So we're trying to save you guys from going down that road. But we can tell you, doesn't guarantee it's successful forever, no matter what we say here.

It's all about doing the work guys and deciding if this is the person I want to do life with or I'm gonna take another swing at it because I don't want to live my life this way, especially when the children are watching. All right, baby mama, you want to take us out?

Shannon (39:35.585)
Sorry.

Tamara Zantell (39:38.124)
Yes, yes.

Shannon (39:41.21)
All right. Well, thank you so much for joining us tonight. And until next week, look forward to everyone around the globe that listens to Wifey and Baby Mama. We really appreciate our audience and our format tonight was a little different, but I think it was well worth it. And our special guests, we welcome you any and every time. And if we had Nelson ratings on podcast.

Shun (39:55.075)
with thank you.

Shannon (40:09.784)
we would say the last time you were here, our ratings were through the roof. That's not why we invited you back, but we'd love to have you here. We really do appreciate you for coming so much.

Shun (40:13.551)
Yes.

You

Tamara Zantell (40:20.046)
Thank you.

Shun (40:23.877)
We thank you for your voice and wisdom friend and for your time. Honestly, I appreciate you.

Shannon (40:27.438)
Yes.

Tamara Zantell (40:29.165)
Anytime. I'm here.

Shannon (40:31.209)
All right, okay, y'all until next week, next Thursday, we'll see you then.

Shun (40:38.383)
Love you all. Bye.