Wifey and Baby Mama

Shun (00:35.189)
Hi, I'm Shun.

Shannon (00:38.566)
Hi, I'm Shannon.

Shun (00:39.195)
And we are the host of Wifey and Baby Mama. Happy Thursday, family, and happy Thursday, Shannon.

Shannon (00:46.912)
Happy Thursday to you too, girl.

Shun (00:48.373)
Welcome to episode 9 of season 5 fam and as always we thank you for spending yet another Thursday with us when you could be doing anything else We have yet another topic. Yeah, they could be doing anything else Shannon that we're grateful guys And I hope you guys know that as our audience continues to grow even even now So we're really we're really grateful and we have another topic. That's gonna make you go. Hmm Episode tonight is titled

Shannon (01:01.608)
Yeah.

Shannon (01:06.703)
Mm-hmm.

Shannon (01:17.004)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (01:18.385)
Up down and here to help us break it down is none other than our brother James hairs who returns the night He has joined us on a previous episode. Yeah, this season a couple of weeks ago and on last season he was on with us. So he's checking in by the way of the big town of ufala. Okay? You follow alabama not to get it twisted, you know, I just found out it's like three you follow shannon. That's a ufala, oklahoma And like a ufala like florida or texas or something like what?

Shannon (01:28.148)
Yeah.

Shannon (01:34.636)
Yeah.

Shannon (01:38.688)
Yeah.

Shun (01:48.381)
So yeah, so don't yes, so please don't get it twisted honey. It's you follow alabama. It's the home team checking in so We promise you guys, you know, we would step it up with the male opinion Is this this season and male input so we're doing all we can to keep to keep our word But shanna, it's like pulling teeth getting these men, isn't it? We have our faith for fuel

Shannon (01:50.44)
Really?

Shannon (02:07.467)
Yes, but welcome welcome James or we gonna call him James Harris now.

Shun (02:16.02)
We're gonna we don't call him James. Like I'm Yvette Yeah, I gotta keep up but it's only one James tonight the last time we had two James So we gonna call him James Harris. Yeah, we had two but it's just one tonight so you can take your picture in it

Shannon (02:31.653)
All right, welcome back. Welcome back, James.

James Harris (02:35.297)
Thank you all for having me.

Shun (02:35.372)
Mr. Harris you go ahead. Yeah, you go ahead I was just about to say just pop right in there and just say hey and get let's go you old now You gotta do all it everybody know who you are. Now. You're old your old guests now. You're part of the fam So, why don't you say hi to the audience here so we'll get started

James Harris (02:53.144)
Okay, good afternoon everyone. It's a pleasure to be back.

Shun (02:55.22)
It's a pleasure to have you you ready baby mama

Shannon (02:57.127)
All right. Yes, we're ready to do it.

Shun (03:02.898)
All right, let's get into it. I'm here as you know the deal. Like I said, you're your old guest now you you're your old pro So the first topic point is going to come to you Do you feel it's possible for a couple to remain under the same roof once the relationship has come to an end?

James Harris (03:19.368)
Yes.

Shun (03:21.47)
Really? I'll come explain that.

James Harris (03:25.148)
Well, you know, if you got young children involved and it's just, I guess it depends on the person. Like me, I feel like say, you and your mate, got two kids, you have, you know, a young girl and then a young boy. And if the son is older and the daughter is younger, and I just feel like, say on a divorce, I always feel like the woman should get the daughter.

You know, if it's just one child and y'all split up, and I feel like it should be if it's just a son, the son should go with the father, which the mother can get at any time. But I prefer the son to be in the house with the father, and I prefer the daughter to be in the home with the mom, because the mom can't teach him how to be a man, and a man can't teach a daughter how to be a woman.

Shun (03:55.24)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (04:15.241)
Wow, I think that is admirable. What about you, Shanna? I've never heard that.

Shannon (04:20.843)
Yeah, I've never heard it. Actually, I would think in that situation, I don't think the kids should be split up. That kind of breaks my heart a little bit. I think the parents should split the custody time and have the two together with the father. I know that's a lot of upheaval for the kids, we've seen parents have alternate weekends or

alternate weeks or live across the street from each other. So the kids are still in each other's lives. But that's, I just don't like the siblings being separated.

Shun (05:02.675)
Now I've seen that a lot of times. I just have never heard a man actually I've never heard a man actually suggested but I have seen that scenario plenty of times, you know So I think I referred to this movie before you know, I got another movie later on talk about but y'all know parent trap The parent trap member Shannon we talked about the twins So one twin went with the mother and one twin with the father and the mother went across country to ensure They wouldn't run into each other, you know, and that they wouldn't see each other and that they would never

Shannon (05:05.311)
Yeah. Yeah.

Shannon (05:17.068)
yeah. Yeah.

Shun (05:31.325)
And you know just as fate would have it in the movie. They did go to the same summer camp You know this expensive camp that all the rich kids went to and they ended up running into each other because the father was like a Business owner. He owned like several multi-million dollar businesses. The mother was a famous wedding dress designer So they ended up at the same camp and then at the end, of course, they got back together and everybody was all hunky-dory But that ain't what we're talking about tonight. They were talking about

Shannon (05:52.787)
Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Shun (05:56.661)
As you know, y'all know what most topics Shannon, what do you have to say about this? I'll get I'll get mine last

Shannon (06:04.019)
and they stay in the same house.

Shun (06:06.319)
Do you feel like parents? you feel like the people should be or could be or is it feasible to stay in the same house?

Shannon (06:13.897)
It depends. know, there's a lot of things that could go wrong if there's still feelings on either side. You know, both people have to really be mature enough to recognize that they're there for the children and the children only. And it's hard to find people that that real with themselves and real with their emotions to say, I can stay in this home with someone that I'm no longer physically

Shun (06:15.903)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (06:28.979)
Okay.

Shannon (06:43.605)
connected to just for the good of our children. Usually there's always that one side. That's why, you know, we talk about a lot of baby mama drama and we hear about baby mama drama or fathers, you know, that won't let go. Exactly. Because people are not real with themselves. They think they're good. But as soon as they're around that X, there's some

Shun (06:54.634)
Mm-hmm. That's why we have wifey and baby mama.

Right.

Shannon (07:12.145)
emotion, there's some anger, there's some this or that, and that tells me if you're being stirred up all the time, somebody's holding on to something. So I think the only way you can stay in the same household with your ex for the children's sake is if you both moved on from each other.

Shun (07:34.837)
Well, now as with most topics, know, me and all my baby daddies, y'all know I can relate to about almost all the topics, right? So I've mentioned before, like my second marriage is a textbook example of tonight's topic. Our relationship, you know, soured after a few years. Our marriage went, you know, it wasn't what we thought it would be. And we tried our best to stay together. You know, my ex-husband, he wasn't from Alabama and that's where I was at the time working with the prison. And therefore he had no family. You know, he only had a few coworkers and me.

Shannon (07:38.941)
you

Shun (08:03.573)
So quite naturally him being the father of my child and a wonderful stepfather to my other two children that you know I had when I met him from previous relationships at first I was like, I'm not gonna ask him to leave I would never even think about that, you know I simply moved into a different part of the house and naive little old country me was okay. We are all good We're gonna be one big happy family the devil, you know, uh you stay in your corner. I stay in mine That was a disastrous thing, you know, because just like you said Shannon

Shannon (08:04.501)
Mm-hmm.

Shannon (08:22.709)
Yeah.

Shun (08:33.395)
While I was all good with the deal. He still loved me. He always loved me, you know, and I'm like emotionally all effed up So I didn't you know, I just move on quickly. My heart is just like okay cool. That didn't work Let me go on but it made it difficult for him to watch me try and start something new and That's when the friction started. That's when the toxicity started That's when the arguing started, you know But as I said before in order for my children to remain in a two-parent home Shannon

Shannon (08:37.161)
Yeah.

Shannon (08:44.459)
Mm-hmm.

Shannon (08:54.4)
Hmm?

Shun (09:02.129)
I was willing to stay but it got to a point that he realized that that that was unhealthy and he was a man about it. He just left, know, but those of you who read the book, you know, you already knew that end of that story, right? But I think what I'm saying is we were unsuccessful because of the thing you just said one party still had feelings.

And what do you think, Harris?

James Harris (09:25.981)
Well, I'm going to speak from experience. So we done that for like two years. Me and my side of the house and you know her and her side and you know we knew because how I was brought up, you know, I'm just being real. If another man, correct. I'm just being real. How I was brought up by older men if you know me and my wife.

Shun (09:29.62)
Okay.

Shun (09:43.849)
This is your ex wife. You're speaking of correct Okay, okay

James Harris (09:53.916)
go wrong and say cheating, either way, me or her and get caught, then it's over. And you know, we just decided that, you know, my son was a junior, my daughter was like middle school and I told her, I hey, you can stay here until he graduates. But after then, you know, you're gonna take the female, cause I feel like, you know, like I said earlier, she should be with her mom and see my son was gone off to school. hey.

Shun (10:02.147)
huh.

Shun (10:20.021)
Mm-hmm.

James Harris (10:23.024)
I go get my daughter when I get ready and you know, it's like, we was like right around the corner. And you know, we saw each other every day. So really nothing changed other than we just didn't sleep in the same house.

Shun (10:34.943)
Hmm now on the other side of that shit go ahead

Shannon (10:36.649)
Now, wait a minute. Yeah, no. So when you say, I think I might have missed something. So when you say cheating, what do you mean? Because if you've decided to stay in the same house as just co-parents or roommates, basically, so you didn't feel like you could date, either one of you could date?

James Harris (10:55.143)
Right.

Shun (10:58.407)
No, no, he's stating that the cheating no, he's saying the cheating is what caused the marriage to be over But yet they decided to stay in the house. Yeah, I think that's what yeah, I think that's what you missed No, he's saying that cheating that was the end all for him. Like it was no working it out after that So that's why they they parted uh-huh and they decided to stay in the same house until the son graduated Now on the other side of that shannon, you know, we discussed scenarios when this situation was successful just like he said for a couple of years but

James Harris (10:59.366)
We did date.

Shannon (11:04.068)
I got you. Okay. Got you. Got you. Okay. Okay.

Shannon (11:13.194)
Right, right, okay.

Shannon (11:17.831)
Okay. Okay.

Shun (11:28.251)
At this age, I don't know if that would be a long-term thing. You know what mean? I don't know if I would want that like What does it look like when someone starts to date again? But harris you just said you guys both dated right?

Shannon (11:32.553)
Mmm.

James Harris (11:39.013)
Right.

Shannon (11:40.318)
Okay.

Shun (11:40.879)
And did that ever get confusing or confusing or strange for the kids? Did you all keep that away from how did that work?

James Harris (11:50.292)
Well, I say the, like I said, a couple of years, I pretty much just spent time with my son and my daughter. So I really just did, you know, maybe every now and then. But like once my son, you know, graduated, then and they was out, then, you know, you know, I got in another relationship.

Shun (12:11.637)
Okay, but while they were there you did not like as far as bring them to the house or anything like that

Shannon (12:13.045)
So, yeah.

James Harris (12:17.495)
no, that was gonna never happen, know. Mm-mm. You know, it's just like...

Shun (12:20.106)
Okay.

Shannon (12:21.515)
Okay, then I'm curious though. So after the kids were gone, you still tried to live together? Because in my mind, once the kids are gone, I wouldn't see the need to continue to live with that.

Shun (12:24.467)
You

James Harris (12:36.04)
No, no. After, like I said, after my son went off to school, she moved out. Maybe like a month after. Because, you know, that was the deal. You know, we're gonna stay here until he graduates and he's not gonna be here no way. you know, then, you know, daughter can, you know, move out and I'm right around the corner. So, I think she needed a...

Shannon (12:55.452)
Okay.

Shannon (13:01.385)
Okay.

Shun (13:02.773)
So when the son went off to college, the wife and the daughter moved into their own house and he kept his house. That's what he's saying. They didn't, they don't live together. They just lived close so that he could see the daughter every day.

James Harris (13:09.329)
Right.

Shun (13:17.737)
together now.

Shannon (13:18.315)
Okay. Mm-hmm. Yep. Got it.

Shun (13:20.603)
I audience so it's how we can confuse everybody we got See me I started to date Wow, you know we were in our different corners which I said which became messy and it hurt him because You don't want to watch someone you love go get into a new relationship it or laugh and you know become happy with someone else when your relationship didn't work, know what I'm saying, so I Was relieved when he left because I was like I got to leave my house

Shannon (13:23.327)
Hahaha!

Shannon (13:41.016)
Mm-hmm. Right. Right.

Shun (13:49.513)
You know, sometimes you want to Netflix and chill in your own space with your pajamas and your PJs on you Don't want to get fully dressed you go to this person's house you watch a movie Now you got a comeback drive and we lived in the boondockies. So I ain't dating nobody in the same town You know what I'm saying? Here's now you can attest to that. That's foolishness from pissing hell as well I wasn't dating anyone that small town just out of respect for him, too You know what mean? And that's another thing even if you're falling out of love even if you if you have children, especially with children

Shannon (14:01.748)
Hmm hmm hmm.

Mmm.

Shannon (14:08.245)
Ha ha ha ha ha.

Shun (14:18.141)
You reverence that person you don't want to embarrass them and that town was way too small for that So I went, know a few towns over and I met someone I started dating but it just became uncomfortable for a while driving back home late night and Telling the kids i'm going to move it just gets muddy. So to me, I just don't see that situation working but to each his own I'm not saying that it possibly Can't work for someone else. But for me, it would never be okay for me

But Harris was successful for a couple of years, so maybe.

Shannon (14:51.369)
Yeah, yeah.

Like I said, it's based on the individual circumstance and feelings and temperament and maturity levels and a whole bunch of things gotta be checked off. A bunch of boxes have to be checked.

Shun (15:10.197)
Big on a big on Big on the maturity level. So lastly what I want to talk about is you know, like to say what I'm in the top of getting deep I like to give them a TV reference We don't go back to the housewives of Atlanta the girl drew and her husband Ralph, you know, they ended their marriage Yeah, they ended their marriage for whatever reason but in the divorce terms decided by the courts They allowed the husband to live in the finished basement, which was like a separate apartment from the house, right on entrance and everything but Wow

Shannon (15:24.818)
yeah.

Shun (15:40.125)
You know the court case is being decided. She resides upstairs, know in the house with the children and he's his apartment is downstairs and Occasionally she would call him be like, it's such and such his birthday You want to come up and like do the cake with us or or whatever? But then you would see him arguing like cats and dogs and you could see the kids being confused and the mush the mother Ushering the kids off because the mom and daddy now going at it to me I don't know what the courts was thinking in that in that in that thing, know what I'm saying? I don't know if they thought that through but

James Harris (15:43.66)
Okay.

James Harris (16:05.652)
.

Shannon (16:08.916)
Right.

Shun (16:09.383)
I can tell you Legally, you have to follow what the court decides but for me Shannon, I'd have checked out I'd have to go stay with a friend You can have it like I wouldn't have stayed in that situation and to me I think that he a little messy for even staying there because most men wouldn't do that Okay, so Harris if that's the case in the court ordered you to stay but you had the means these are small kids So they're not getting older anytime sooner. Would you have stayed?

Shannon (16:22.762)
Yeah.

James Harris (16:31.686)
It really depends on like the say a financial situation if I was financially able no But if I had to get myself together, I would have stayed for a little while until I you know, yeah other than that, no

Shun (16:47.825)
Right, right Just like my ex-husband did he stayed you know into financial he was able to get everything in order to move back You know home where he came from and I think that's just the right thing to do I think he's just there because he's messy in my opinion and he just doesn't want to see her move on but I think in those cases Shannon we got to always consider how that looks to our children That's what that's always my number one concern, you know

Shannon (17:10.943)
Right, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And being totally honest with the children, because you know, as a child of divorced parents or most children who have been children of divorced parents, you always want your parents together, no matter what. And if you're watching their dynamic and they're seeming like

Shun (17:32.572)
always Yeah.

Shannon (17:44.828)
there's either always friction or even the getting along could sometimes be confusing if they're still spending time with each other. They're gonna get back together. Yeah, Right, right, yeah.

Shun (17:54.357)
Because when they get along, you know what they're saying? Oh, they're to get back together when that's not the case Yeah, it's it's confusing and it's misleading to them. So that would be my concern And even when I saw how my ex-husband would get upset when I would go out and be with you know My other person that I met I would come back. He would be huffy He would be you know, I ended it because I did not want to create that kind I just said hey either I don't I'm not dating for the next 20 years. I have a long this go on

Shannon (18:15.115)
Hmm.

Shannon (18:22.549)
Yeah.

Shun (18:23.585)
I have to wait till he leave I had to tell myself that because I saw it becoming unhealthy, know I mean so I broke it off with the other person because I Thought about my children. I wasn't just thinking about me, you know So that's why I chose not to do that because clearly he couldn't handle it and clearly it was hurting his feelings and no matter if you are divorced or it didn't work out if you Loved them somebody enough to walk down the aisle with him Shannon or spend 10 or 20 years your life with them

Shannon (18:28.507)
Mm-hmm.

Shannon (18:35.634)
Mm-hmm.

James Harris (18:46.5)
How Greek

Shun (18:51.369)
Then you're gonna you're still gonna be concerned about how they feel or you should be if you're human When it's all said and done, especially when you share children with that person you do you agree with that Harris? Yeah, you got to have some reverence in some level of respect no matter if your situation worked or not

Shannon (18:56.298)
Mm-hmm.

Shannon (19:09.471)
Right. And sometimes it, even though you think you've moved on or both people think they're good and they, it's working. Sometimes you come back together, you know, we've all seen, you know, couples who were divorced for a few years or even separated or whatever. And then they come back together and their marriage is stronger than ever. So.

Shun (19:33.541)
I don't know anyone like that. No, I'm just kidding.

James Harris (19:35.934)
Me either, definitely not me.

Shun (19:40.309)
Well we came back baby, but it but you lost me with the strong part, but we did come back

Shannon (19:40.483)
I know someone and her name is Shun. Her name is Shun.

Shannon (19:51.102)
Yeah, yeah. So it does happen. So in those types of situations, when they're outside people, for me, I would be very cautious if I were dating someone and they were still living under the roof with their ex. Because even though they say, we're done, we're done.

Shun (20:12.821)
And I would never do it that I would never do that Shan I don't trust that I would never do that You understand me because again, I was done with my ex-husband. I clearly knew that it would be nothing else besides friendship I loved him. I will always love him, but there was no in love You know what? mean like that part of me was gone done and over with but I clearly and for surely knew that he still loved me So any woman that he dated at that time?

Shannon (20:20.433)
Right, right, right.

Shannon (20:28.841)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Shannon (20:38.848)
right.

Shun (20:41.171)
She wouldn't have been safe. You know what I'm saying and vice versa in this relationship Even when Jimmy and I prime example when Jimmy and I were done the first time we didn't live in the same room Jimmy was he was in even the same state as I but yet Three relationships couldn't survive him because my heart was still there. You get what I'm saying So I definitely wouldn't trust it if they were under the same roof, you know It would definitely be a no-no

Shannon (20:43.187)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shannon (20:55.732)
Right, yeah.

Shannon (20:59.723)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. yeah.

Shannon (21:07.851)
huh. Yeah. Yeah.

Shun (21:10.131)
Harris, would you date a woman because you said your situation was successful? It was strictly for the kids. Would you date a woman who separated or divorced from her ex-husband but still lives with him?

James Harris (21:21.987)
And that ain't happening,

Shun (21:24.661)
But you just said George was successful So that's crazy you don't trust nobody but you to work that out huh? Here's you the only person you think can make that right?

James Harris (21:28.172)
That's me. No, that's not happening.

Shannon (21:35.133)
my god.

James Harris (21:37.155)
Very good. I'm positive

Shannon (21:42.865)
my god.

Shun (21:42.933)
That is he said that a hit me

James Harris (21:44.515)
But you know, you'll do anything for your kids, you know?

Shun (21:49.631)
That's true. That's true. I mean I get what you're saying like you did that for your children But you wouldn't trust it with anybody else is what you're

Shannon (21:49.739)
Yeah, yeah.

James Harris (21:57.175)
No, either she gonna move in with me or it's over.

Shun (21:58.621)
He said nah.

Shannon (22:03.051)
Shun (22:03.955)
No, that's right. But what about the kids Harris? What about the kids?

James Harris (22:08.291)
Hey, there's a package deal. Kids come with us.

Shun (22:10.718)
Hahaha!

Shun (22:15.029)
That is hilarious Well, see Shannon do you understand how important the male side of these conversations are? You know what I'm saying? Cuz women we're such emotional creatures some of us are like I'm starting to be kind of a Cold-hearted person as I get older cuz you get you know, you get beat down so much you back up whatever but for the most part most women are soft and they're gentle but men, know, they're gonna give it to you straight up and I appreciate here's

Shannon (22:15.66)
well, yes, is, yeah.

Shannon (22:22.685)
Yes, yes, sure.

James Harris (22:33.507)
I don't either. I'm good.

Shannon (22:35.487)
Yeah.

Shannon (22:41.203)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (22:43.497)
The honesty that you bring to us to our show. appreciate that so much Well, do do you guys have anything else you want to add to the topic before we wrap it up?

Shannon (22:46.827)
Thank you so much.

Shannon (22:56.191)
I don't.

Shun (22:57.663)
What about you, Well, I just want to tell you guys that, audience, we know that these 20 minutes of dialogue that we give you is not gonna change your entire lives. But we really hope that in every topic that we bring you, real life, that you find something that you can hold on to. Because sometimes these kind of things are hard. They're hard to deal with. They're hard to go through. So hopefully something that we tell you or that we've done, like Harris, successful in his situation until they got the kids out of house, me, very unsuccessful.

Shannon (23:17.735)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (23:27.239)
So it's it's you know, it's to each his own but i'm going to wrap up tonight's topic of up down with this Anything that is going to grow needs space And that to me includes growing apart You got to give that situation space to do what it's going to do and that's with anything It's never cut and dry, you know, nothing is a one-size-fits-all solution Especially when children are involved, but whatever the end result is going to be

We pray that all couples learn how to Leave before it gets toxic or nasty, know that toxicity gets off into those children They can change the course of a past it could be good if we just leave before it gets to that and we encourage people to normalize ending relationships on a positive note Healthy notes giving both parents rooms room to start over with clear hearts and minds under a different roof

Shannon (24:24.299)
Mm hmm.

Shun (24:25.575)
And that's my wrap up for tonight.

James Harris (24:27.137)
He

Shannon (24:29.777)
All right, thank you, Shun. Okay, here we go to the sound off.

Shun (24:32.455)
is me now.

Shun (24:39.477)
So we've come to the sound off segment of our show. This is where we announced a song related to the topic of the night. While also hoping to add to your musical playlist, we use songs from all categories and genres. And tonight's song is by R.L. and Deborah Cox and it's titled, We Can't Be Friends. Now Shannon, I'm gonna cry a lot of tears off that song. A lot of tears. So y'all get your tissue and if you're going through something, please don't listen to this song.

But if you just want to understand if you you know, if you can't get over that person and you they went through a job Deborah go listen to Deborah and I'll talk about it And if you know R &B, you know that hit but if you're not a fan of R &B You want to put some flavor in your ear like Craig Mack log off and go look it up Shannon tell them how they can give us some feedback once they listen

Shannon (25:24.843)
Yes, once you listen and you've cried some tears too. Reach out to us with your feedback at wifeyandbabymama at gmail.com. That is wifeyandbabymama at gmail.com.

All right, James, thank you so much.

James Harris (25:51.103)
Yes. Yes.

Shun (25:52.991)
Thank you. So thank you brother. Thank you for always answering our call Thank you

James Harris (25:57.404)
Anytime.

Shannon (25:57.597)
Yeah, yes. All right and until next week.

Shun (26:03.785)
We love you all, goodbye.