Step Up, or Step Off!
Download MP3Shun:
Hey, I'm Shawn.
Shannon:
Hi, and I'm Shannon.
Shun:
and we're the host of Wifey and Baby Mama. Welcome, welcome to Thursday night, family. Thursday is now my favorite day of the week. Now,
Shannon:
Mine too,
Shun:
I know,
Shannon:
mine
Shun:
yeah, right?
Shannon:
too.
Shun:
And I know some of you will think, well, it's not Sunday. Nope, never has been because me and God don't have a Sunday type of love. We talk
Shannon:
That's
Shun:
all
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
day, every day. Now, boom, there it is. But
Shannon:
There
Shun:
seriously,
Shannon:
it is.
Shun:
we've said it before, doing what you love and doing what you have to do. It's different and we love doing what we do which is connecting with you all on Thursday night now you May or may not remember a few episodes ago wifey and baby mama Excitingly moved into season two which pivoted
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
us from the foundation of blended families to self-care Self-love and just being better people right to ourselves and each other We also threw a small party to celebrate our 20th episode Couple of weeks back like we partied amongst
Shannon:
Yes,
Shun:
each
Shannon:
we
Shun:
other.
Shannon:
did.
Shun:
Yeah tonight's episode is Along those lines is titled step up a step off, you know continues On the lines of knowing what we deserve, you know, we're going to discuss some do's and don'ts when it comes to deciding on Mrs. Right or mr. Wrong Part of our
Shannon:
Mmm.
Shun:
decision to pivot was based on the fact that maybe everyone doesn't have a blended family Some of our listeners may be single Some may not have children. Some may never want children. So for those reasons, we want all of our audience to feel like they can relate. So whether you have kids or not, whether you're dating or married, we want it to appeal to everyone in hopes that you can take something away, that make you say, hmm. Hmm.
Shannon:
Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then also too, you will pick up that there is some, sometimes there is a theme that can be tied back to, you know, a blended family in
Shun:
Absolutely.
Shannon:
a lot of our topics. So keep that in mind, even if we're not specifically touching on a topic that has blended family in the name, you can, for those of you who are, you know, tuning in for that reason, just. think about what we're talking about. And then, you know, Shawn and I, you know, we always, you know, you and I always tie it back in some kind of way sometimes,
Shun:
Oh, yeah, absolutely
Shannon:
if
Shun:
and
Shannon:
it fits,
Shun:
like you said,
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
yeah And like you said it's future shows that are dedicated to blended family still but we just
Shannon:
Yes.
Shun:
decided to sprinkle a little bit You know and pivot
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
a little bit so that people like I'm just gonna be honest if I didn't have any children if I didn't Have a blended family. I would be like why am I listening to this so?
Shannon:
Bye.
Shun:
Life all of it ties into life, right? So we came up with some type of topics and titles and discussions that Like I said, it can appeal to anyone. Of course our future shows will pit back, will pivot back, and we might even slide them in between. It's whatever
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
God puts on our heart that we feel like we wanna put out and we can break down to you. That's what we're gonna do. But I just wanted
Shannon:
That's
Shun:
to give
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
everybody a little idea, especially if you're a new listener. You know, I'm like, wait a minute, I thought this was on Blamed and Families. What is
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
this? It's on life. But we laid our foundation for Blamed and Families because that's our basis. You know, that's
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
how Shannon and I related. That's how we connected. You
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
know, being blended moms. So
Shannon:
Exactly.
Shun:
here we are
Shannon:
And
Shun:
and
Shannon:
you mentioned new listeners. You mentioned new listeners, didn't you, Shawn? Ha ha.
Shun:
I absolutely did. Do we got more girls? Do we got more?
Shannon:
We got two new countries to report.
Shun:
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEE
Shannon:
Welcome, welcome, welcome. We want to say welcome to France and Japan.
Shun:
How
Shannon:
Welcome
Shun:
about
Shannon:
to
Shun:
that?
Shannon:
the.
Shun:
Hello Japan and France. Welcome to wifey and baby mama. We're
Shannon:
And
Shun:
so glad to have you
Shannon:
yes. All right.
Shun:
Alright, so let's get into this thing step up or step off Up means just what you think it does in reference to relationships like how long it's too long to get married, right? Last week we discussed marking yourself safe and not letting the wrong person take you off the market But we also want people to be careful not to let someone string you along for years with no intentions on actually stepping up I've said it before and I'll say it again. It doesn't take five to ten years to know if you want to be with someone for The rest of your life However, because marriage is designed to be forever You definitely shouldn't rush into it either But be real with yourself a person's vibe will tell you how into you they are, right? And if you're in tune with yourself, which we absolutely advise before you Reach out to start dating seriously toward marriage you get in tune with yourself You'll be able to say nah, you know, this ain't it and people please don't confuse dating and marriage two totally different things and that's why we encourage dating the proper way if you're going to date and that doesn't mean sleeping with everyone you have dinner and movie with that doesn't mean
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
Netflix and feel not chill that doesn't mean that
Shannon:
I'm
Shun:
and
Shannon:
sorry.
Shun:
it doesn't mean committed to every person that takes you to the moon and bed either if
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
you are sexually active with them it means date
Shannon:
Mm-hmm, exactly.
Shun:
You know?
Shannon:
and get to know people. Uh, how many,
Shun:
Absolutely.
Shannon:
how, yeah, how many, uh, couples have you met Sean where I, well, maybe you haven't, but I've been in situations where I've been at dinner, me and my husband been at dinner with other couples or a particular couple and they've been together for a long time. And
Shun:
Mm-hmm.
Shannon:
one of them will say something like, Oh, do you know, and I'm just going to make something up that's kind of ex, exaggerates it or makes it a little mundane, but. The wife will say, oh, you know, I just love, you know, pasta and red sauce. And the husband will say, do you? I didn't know that.
Shun:
I'm going to
Shannon:
You
Shun:
go
Shannon:
know,
Shun:
to
Shannon:
and
Shun:
bed.
Shannon:
it's like, how long y'all been married? You know, stuff like that. When it's little
Shun:
Exactly.
Shannon:
things, those little things, like I'm sure you know everything about your husband. Like I know everything about my husband. If he says something, he'll say, I might feel like a pork chop today. I know him so well, I'll say, no, you don't. You want a chicken wing. That's how
Shun:
Right.
Shannon:
I know how well I know him. He'll say, oh yeah, you're right. I do want a chicken wing So get to know your partner good get to know whoever you're dating and when you get to know them What you get to know all these little small things, of course they aggregate up to bigger things and that helps you see who that person is and if you're really looking at them who they are and Asking probing questions and getting to know them and being your real self,
Shun:
Right.
Shannon:
you know, as you know, Sean, when you first start dating someone, we both as girls, we do this, you know, you don't let them see the best you, you're going to give them at least the
Shun:
You mean
Shannon:
first couple of dates.
Shun:
you mean you don't let him see the worse you
Shannon:
Oh, the worst you I'm
Shun:
Yeah,
Shannon:
sorry. Yes,
Shun:
I'm like
Shannon:
the worst.
Shun:
nah, I said nah, I can't hold
Shannon:
Not
Shun:
on sis. I'm gonna
Shannon:
the real.
Shun:
get my best They don't see Sean they meet event when they
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
first meet me.
Shannon:
yeah,
Shun:
Yeah, they don't be Sean
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
for a while.
Shannon:
Exactly,
Shun:
Absolutely. I get it
Shannon:
exactly. And if you keep it superficial, you know, by not, you know, going
Shun:
Will
Shannon:
into
Shun:
they
Shannon:
deep
Shun:
ever
Shannon:
conversations.
Shun:
get to know you?
Shannon:
Exactly,
Shun:
That's right.
Shannon:
exactly.
Shun:
And we can't spack enough. That's why we can't express enough how important it is. Also with knowing yourself when it comes to these
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
topics. Because just knowing you will save a lot of heartache. And like you just said, Shannon, we can, we're gonna send our representatives. I think pretty much
Shannon:
Hehehehehehe
Shun:
everyone since they're represented. I don't think the dude who has bunions will take his shoes off and kick his, like, wait a minute. Let me get to know her a little
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
bit. Or the girl who has, you know, I don't know. If I have on a wig I ain't snatching it off on the first date now you may find second and third I don't wear wigs by the way,
Shannon:
Right,
Shun:
but i'm just saying
Shannon:
right. Yeah, yeah,
Shun:
I mean,
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
I think they're cute. I just don't know how to wear them. But
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
I thought
Shannon:
I wear
Shun:
I
Shannon:
them.
Shun:
love them I wish I could I can't put them on my daughter tried. I was like if you don't get this off my head I tried I love them. But guess what y'all my husband hates weaves. He hates
Shannon:
Uh-huh.
Shun:
wigs. He hates braids Shannon, I don't know if you've noticed since i've been back with jim in six seven years on facebook. You've never seen me in braids I
Shannon:
never
Shun:
love braids
Shannon:
have.
Shun:
Love them. My husband doesn't like them. I mean he has this thing
Shannon:
Okay.
Shun:
with it, but guess what? I don't like bald heads and one day
Shannon:
Okay.
Shun:
he's like, I think I'm gonna cut my bald head. Am I here? I said, I think you're gonna be divorced. So he respects me, right? So
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
I got to respect his
Shannon:
yeah,
Shun:
but
Shannon:
exactly.
Shun:
that's just something like if I first met him, could he tell me I don't like braids? Like what?
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
So if you met me in braids and then you say well, you know, I know that's how I met you but I really get to know yourself and I'm like so what I had to ask myself is I had a friend who tell me oh I couldn't be with nobody like that Okay, what's it each his own?
Shannon:
See you
Shun:
I?
Shannon:
soon.
Shun:
Try I want to be appealing to my husband because I want
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
my husband to be appealing to me You understand I'm saying so if you don't want braids and guess what I'm gonna get this back Whatever. Hey, you know so me and I made my might saw me some but Beyonce hair occasionally
Shannon:
hahahaha
Shun:
and he And guess what Shannon I can tell when I come home. He's like if I have an occasion or an event I want a
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
different look and I sew in me some pretty curly. He's like,
Shannon:
Mmm.
Shun:
I'm like, baby. You don't like he's like no He said but I can deal with it for a few weeks and that's just how we roll But that's
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
why you guys unfortunately see me in a Bob 98% of my adult life because that's
Shannon:
It's
Shun:
what
Shannon:
beautiful.
Shun:
my husband likes
Shannon:
Yeah, yeah, and
Shun:
That's
Shannon:
your
Shun:
what he
Shannon:
hair
Shun:
likes
Shannon:
is always beautiful. Thanks,
Shun:
Well,
Shannon:
Char.
Shun:
thank you Right, right. So that's my girl. But you know, I knew within a few months of meeting him, right? that I wanted to be his wife, like young and college, never had a child. I hadn't worked a day in my life, Shin, but something deep
Shannon:
I'm going to go ahead and close the video.
Shun:
down new, it was not a regular encounter, right? And trust
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
me, it wasn't because he was so into me. If I'm gonna tell it, I'm gonna tell it. He was running circles around my little country behind,
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
but something inside of me only wanted him. So I did date other people when we were on bad terms, and we eventually even went our own separate ways and everything, but that love, that longing,
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
it lingered. I know it's because my soul identified with his right because he was my person the problem
Shannon:
night.
Shun:
was we were not in tune with each other at that time and we failed big time and Then we failed again until we both figured out who we were as individuals, right and now you know, I'm not Encourage anyone to go through the madness we did in the name of love by all means, please don't What I will tell you is do it right the first time That will always be my answer do it right the first time and sometimes Even then it's not problem proof, right? But if we
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
do it right the first time it's less or no drama when it's over It's no toxicity involved. I can't get that. I can never say that. We're right toxic toxicity. That's it, right? Okay,
Shannon:
Mm hmm.
Shun:
not
Shannon:
Yep,
Shun:
y'all
Shannon:
you did.
Shun:
pray for me. We meet, you know, we meet we date it We i'm sorry we met, you know, this is how you look at it. We date it. It's over Or we met,
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
we dated, and now we're friends, right? Or we met and we dated, and now we're getting married. Only
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
God and time determine how all of it turns out. But if we've been good to ourselves, right, and each other through that process, we can ensure peace in the end. Yeah.
Shannon:
Yeah, yeah. So getting to know your partner, asking the program questions, you know, the deep questions like, do you want children?
Shun:
Yeah,
Shannon:
Or if you're
Shun:
what's your?
Shannon:
over the or if you're past the age where you can have children, do you want to adopt or you know what do you believe in God, you know, some things
Shun:
What
Shannon:
like
Shun:
are your
Shannon:
that.
Shun:
financial
Shannon:
Mm
Shun:
goals?
Shannon:
hmm. Oh yeah, what's your credit
Shun:
I think
Shannon:
score?
Shun:
you said, yeah, right. I think I wouldn't be married, but I think you said in one episode, this girl I be trippin'. But I think what you said in one episode was you had to teach your husband, like what was it, survival over
Shannon:
Oh yeah,
Shun:
success,
Shannon:
success over survival.
Shun:
success over survival. See the mentality that they had. And just because he had survival mentality. doesn't mean he wasn't a good husband. Now he's a great
Shannon:
Oh
Shun:
husband.
Shannon:
right, oh
Shun:
So
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
just find it, hey, okay, so if this is your mentality, baby, look, this is what I'm working toward. Are you with that? Or would you like to stay in survival mode? Because we can definitely go take you, drop you off, and let somebody else
Shannon:
Hahaha!
Shun:
deal with that. So it's not that they have to be perfect, but what is their mindset?
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
You know,
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
what is their end game? And
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
you know, now that we got like, go ahead, I'm sorry.
Shannon:
Oh no, I was just going to say, and are you working towards a common goal? You
Shun:
Absolutely.
Shannon:
know? Um, so.
Shun:
And and with that being said we need to avoid things like procrastination commitment issues or The last person did this again doing the right is always best but it's inevitable you're going to run into people like this because everyone isn't healed and everyone isn't mature and Some people aren't intentional. Some people are intentional about playing with people's feelings just to see how many I could get So you need to be aware that you are dealing you know who you're dealing with especially our Fiona phase life when you're ready to settle down. Make sure you're not pushing and they're pulling right. While we may not know that after a month or so who the person is, if a person is your person it doesn't take long at all to find out if they're like them if they're even like-minded.
Shannon:
Right, exactly. And when you're trying to go for that person that you think is your person, we can build up a lot of stuff in our heads and say, well, he's very nice to me. Or I don't know, he does something, but he's not all the way there. He doesn't meet. you know, whatever your standards are, say it's your faith in God. It's like, oh, he's real nice, but he's agnostic. But he's real nice, you know, so try not to compromise on the
Shun:
That's
Shannon:
big things,
Shun:
it.
Shannon:
you know,
Shun:
That's right.
Shannon:
just to say you have someone.
Shun:
And and that's what I'm saying like being like-minded
Shannon:
Mm-hmm,
Shun:
I'm telling you
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
that's important. Um My husband is not he's very spiritual. He grew up in the church all of his family's and ministers father was a deacon Beloved deacon his brother-in-law's a bishop It's just as a pastor, you know, he grew up in a family of Christians, right? but he's
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
his faith is still not as strong as mine because of life what the things life is showed him because of
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
failed trust in relationship between he and I for whatever reason You know just because of life
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
itself, you know situations he went through that just because he's a black man was unfair So his faith is not as strong was not as strong as mine when we first met now Even though he came from a very Christian, you know and faithful background But as we grew together as I kept my mind on Jesus, I kept him focused I'm watching him every single day come closer to God I'm watching him make godly decisions that he was not making in the end, but he wasn't Catholic He wasn't you know, what is it when they
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
don't believe in God? He wasn't anything crazy that I knew I would have to struggle. I'm not doing that with you
Shannon:
He wasn't an atheist or agnostic.
Shun:
He was an atheist
Shannon:
Okay.
Shun:
now We're not doing that and nothing against you if you are but that's not who I am So therefore
Shannon:
Right,
Shun:
we
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
wouldn't work and we have future episodes you write um future episodes that talk about opposites attract I think that's actually one of the name of I'm coming show Shannon right
Shannon:
Mm-hmm, yep.
Shun:
opposites track, so
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
I won't go deep
Shannon:
Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe hehehe hehehe
Shun:
Because we have another episode that but I will say You don't have to like everything the person does. And I think it's even healthy to have different interests, but values
Shannon:
Oh yeah!
Shun:
and morals are something we shouldn't and can't compromise on if you're gonna be in
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
a happy, successful marriage. And in my forward gump voice, that's all I'm gonna say about that. I ain't gonna go too deep.
Shannon:
Well, let me say this when you mentioned having your own personal interest.
Shun:
Mm-hmm.
Shannon:
So I have a friend
Shun:
Mm-hmm.
Shannon:
that started dating someone. It's been, of course, been longing for that relationship for a long time.
Shun:
Mm-hmm.
Shannon:
And this particular person loves, absolutely loves football. The
Shun:
Mm
Shannon:
guy.
Shun:
hmm. Okay.
Shannon:
The girl hates football, absolutely
Shun:
Okay.
Shannon:
hate her whole life, whole life, never any sports really, not just football, but not any sports. Now all of a sudden she's an NFL expert.
Shun:
Hilarious
Shannon:
She out here calling plays and no, I'm like, what? It's like, that is not your life, that's his life. And well, I mean, she didn't just start dating him. Let me back that up. They've been dating for about a year now. So it
Shun:
Mm-hmm.
Shannon:
started last football season. So now, you know, football season starts tonight. So I asked, I did ask her, I said, are you ready, you know, for the season? And she's like, nah, I'm really not into this. I knew it, I knew it. You were out here acting like an NFL cheerleader and all this stuff when you did not like sports. So it's okay to have your own interests. Now if you do develop a love for football, that's one thing, but don't pretend to have an interest in something and then you wake
Shun:
because
Shannon:
up one day just miserable.
Shun:
that's also what we say though, right? And I have a, I won't say what family member, I have a family member the exact same way. They act like they were so into finance and this schooling and that schooling
Shannon:
Hehehe
Shun:
and she's miserable as hell. And literally every day. So you know what she does? She makes everyone around her miserable because now she's
Shannon:
Okay.
Shun:
created this fake life and she's stuck in it and she's mad at everyone else because they choose to be happy or they pick someone and say, hey, this is who I am. So no.
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
Being different is it's not always a bad thing. But if there is a difference It's what you determine Let me see if it is a difference Like you said if she's into football or maybe she wants to get into because you know what? This is what my manager I want to be able to get along with him
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
and I want to be able to relate That's cool. But don't fake the funk because after a while
Shannon:
Don't
Shun:
that's going
Shannon:
fake
Shun:
to become
Shannon:
the funk.
Shun:
something either you are Either he's going to resent you or you're going to resent him because first of all, you're going to be like, okay She faking because you're doing too much She's
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
gonna be like you're too into this and I'm not into it. So that's something
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
that needs to be that needs to be addressed right
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
But difference is not always bad but different shouldn't Be a form of disrespect either, you know, just move on so
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
For for instance difference shouldn't be a form of difference. Let me give an example. My husband hates braids I just said that like with a passion.
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
So if I come home with braids Is this we hire really I ain't feeling that please don't do it again Okay, I'm gonna respect his wishes. I'm gonna say hey, I'm having surgery I need to get my hair braided up actually when I was pregnant, you know, he's like, okay
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
cool I'm not doing here and I'm pregnant. So,
Shannon:
Right,
Shun:
you know, whatever
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
but not I don't want to come home like I just wanted to Trust him. Will you get that out of your head and I don't do that. No, don't disrespect me now
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
So difference and disrespect are two different things, you know, so
Shannon:
Yes.
Shun:
but
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
differences are good So if the difference become a disrespect is definitely move on and that's
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
just what I'm saying No, don't let that That's how I am with everybody or the last time I got close to somebody Be a sympathy play either get the heck on and let somebody who got
Shannon:
Yep.
Shun:
time deal with it, you know And
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
now in my
Shannon:
Agree.
Shun:
case I recognize I was dealing I also recognize like I said coming back to my differences in a man I realized I was dealing with a broken man and more ways than one
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
But it
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
was my choice to put the time in that that's something different now we had both went separate paths lived like part and you know ended up back where were but We make decisions to work on us, but I realize you know, I'm dealing with somebody broken here. That's also a different thing You got to know your assignments and i'm not
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
like dog and my husband looking You know, I think I think I should know by now. Love the ground he walks
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
on
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
Bros are assignment homeboy is
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
a straight assignment. And if you're not strong enough, you couldn't handle it and
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
people gonna be Oh, I don't want no assignment. I don't I want whatever god got I want whatever god
Shannon:
I
Shun:
has
Shannon:
do
Shun:
for
Shannon:
too.
Shun:
me
Shannon:
I
Shun:
because
Shannon:
do too.
Shun:
I don't think any other person in the world would have been patient enough with my husband or diligent enough to get him to not get him to have the grace to allow God to get him to the place that he is. So again, that all comes from knowing yourself and
Shannon:
That's
Shun:
God has
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
blessed our marriage and brought it to a place of joy that I could have never imagined, you know,
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
but again, that was us understanding each other and decided,
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
you know, he's worth it. She, you know, I decided he's worth it. Never let someone else control your fate. They never let
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
someone else. Oh god, you know, he his mom issues and his last girlfriend hurt him So I'm gonna just stay with him. No Absolutely not if you don't feel any love if you're just totally getting a drain from that relationship step off that that's not you sis Or step off brother. That's not you My husband
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
loving my husband didn't drain me it challenged me and you got to recognize the difference Because I'm gonna tell you something. We don't want to portray no perfect marriages here Every single one of them
Shannon:
Right,
Shun:
is work. I got a friend
Shannon:
exactly.
Shun:
that's been there 52 years. I got a friend that's been there 32 years I got a friend that's been there
Shannon:
Hehehe
Shun:
10 years all work, okay,
Shannon:
All the
Shun:
so
Shannon:
work.
Shun:
again They don't want to put it in step off before you can get to that point Just just
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
you know, they don't feel the same If you feel like they're hindering your life, that's not you
Shannon:
Mm-hmm. Yeah. And just like your husband's broken mind to, you know, my husband, you know, his mother was murdered when he was 13 years old. And
Shun:
Wow.
Shannon:
so the life after that was struggle after struggle, you know, and he never, obviously, you know, he was married a couple of times before me. And
Shun:
Mm-hmm.
Shannon:
of course, they didn't work because just like you said. with your husband, the patients weren't in there. And it took a lot of patience, you know, dealing with my husband, someone that, like I said, was in survival mode. As long as he could pay that rent or make that car payment, that's all that mattered. I'm just here to pay bills. That's what he thinks, you know? And I'm like, no,
Shun:
Mm
Shannon:
we're here to grow
Shun:
hmm.
Shannon:
wealth, you know?
Shun:
That's a
Shannon:
So
Shun:
fat.
Shannon:
getting him to understand that when you've been, you know, when you've had so much struggle in your life, it's like, nah, I'm good. I'm good if I can pay my bills and that's enough. And then having so much emotional buildup over such a tragic loss and never dealing with it. So what we did, my husband and I, we had to go to therapy. Our marriage was not gonna work if we did
Shun:
Without
Shannon:
not go to
Shun:
it.
Shannon:
a real therapist. And... um you know you and nothing not knocking um christian counseling but that's exactly what it is counseling we had to go see a clinical by colleges a doctor someone that went to school to say help us you know because i have issues everyone has issues you
Shun:
We
Shannon:
know
Shun:
all
Shannon:
no
Shun:
do.
Shannon:
matter how perfect i think my childhood was it wasn't of course um So dealing with all the dysfunction that we all have to deal with. And we bring that into our marriages. So when people say work, like Sean said, work, and people say, I don't wanna work. I think love should come easy.
Shun:
Absolutely
Shannon:
Oh, love comes
Shun:
not
Shannon:
easy. Yes, it does.
Shun:
Love comes
Shannon:
Love comes
Shun:
easily
Shannon:
easy.
Shun:
staying there
Shannon:
Keeping
Shun:
staying
Shannon:
it
Shun:
there
Shannon:
exactly.
Shun:
Staying there
Shannon:
Uh-huh.
Shun:
is the problem and I'm gonna just jump in with
Shannon:
Go
Shun:
one
Shannon:
ahead.
Shun:
thing and not to not to diss the clinical side I think that's what they're there for I think God bless doctors hands and always surgeons
Shannon:
Oh yeah,
Shun:
the gynecologist
Shannon:
oh yeah.
Shun:
Therapists they are blessed, you know their minds the schooling but I'm gonna tell you that me and my broken husband Survived right off Christian counseling. We did not have to go see a licensed therapist Baby, we took it to the cross and so either however you do it is what I'm saying
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
See your marriage survived and successful from clinical therapy
Shannon:
Mm hmm.
Shun:
My marriage survived and successful from Christian therapy and not all the time sending sessions. It was calling his sister who was pastor It's calling my
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
friend. Oh, you know one of the associate pastors wife who's my friend is calling his niece Who's a minister of music saying hey that they've all been married ten plus years. I can't do this anymore. What is happening? This is what's happening girl. You're on assignment
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
And you have to
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
take those things and you have to build so again If you're if you were the person who's willing to put in work, you're gonna have to work that thing
Shannon:
That's
Shun:
if they're not
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
Then then step off and
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
you know shannon is one more angle. I'll look at before I jump into the red line real quick
Shannon:
Oh, sure.
Shun:
We talked about people not knowing their self who talked about you know I don't I can't it's one other one that I got to touch on real quick because it's the grandfather of clauses and that's procrastination, right
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
listen men and women this applies both ways right this is still that other person's issue whatever it is procrastination is still the other person's issue i don't like to rush into things or why we got to get married it's for sure it's a for sure sign to run that person is either dealing with some issues that they haven't told you about or worse holding out for someone else don't be a placeholder
Shannon:
Mm-hmm,
Shun:
don't be
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
a showpiece don't be a warm body if a person can't continue to string you along with I mean,
Shannon:
Why
Shun:
what's
Shannon:
Whitney?
Shun:
the old saying? What's the old saying Shannon? Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?
Shannon:
That's right.
Shun:
People don't do spousal duties or give spousal privileges if there has not been a trip to the altar and that's period.
Shannon:
Yeah, yeah, and for those young folks that, you know, they're quick to say, oh, this is my husband, this is my wife, and they're not even married, and they want to live like that. I'm going to tell you guys when that person dies, you don't get anything.
Shun:
Nothing no social security no acknowledgement. You're gonna be a special friend and no bitch array. Let me tell you that Because that's the title for it ain't no ain't no
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
Shannon, don't make me laugh. Ain't no title for you. You was just a special friend. You was his girlfriend. So
Shannon:
Oh
Shun:
don't
Shannon:
my god.
Shun:
let people get all those, that time out of you. Men aren't women, men either. Don't let people get that time out of you and you have nothing in the end to say, I live my life for this person. I live my life for this man. And like we said, we know some people that don't believe in marriage and if that's you, hey, have at it. But
Shannon:
Dang,
Shun:
we're
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
speaking to the ones who want long-term and we're speaking to
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
the ones who want to hold somebody's hand until they're gray. And yes, you can do that without being married. But again, there's no benefits to it. And we're not talking monetarily either.
Shannon:
Right,
Shun:
It's all,
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
it's what we're talking about a whole picture here. So, you know, we'll wrap up by saying when it comes to stepping up or stepping off, only you know how long, you know, it's too long. Again, set your goals and by all means, they don't have to be in concrete, but don't write them in sand either. Be real with yourselves. And if the person you become involved with, wants to ensure that you're good, however things turn out, it will be a pleasant end when you cross paths again. If the person you treat good and you treat each other good and it's over, hey, how you doing? It's not, oh, there go that in, Mad For. There she
Shannon:
Hehehehe
Shun:
go. Oh, there go my kids, baby mama. You don't wanna feel that way.
Shannon:
Right,
Shun:
You never know
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
how it's gonna turn out and you may meet again. Just look at me.
Shannon:
Yeah?
Shun:
So
Shannon:
All right.
Shun:
I will move into our red line for tonight.
Shannon:
Okay.
Shun:
Alright, this week's red line is titled, Ice is for Drinks. Family, don't allow a person to put you on ice while they decide what's best for their life. Once you've moved to a point of committed relationship, it should be about the needs and wants of both parties involved. I understand that marriage is where two become one, but how can it ever get to that if a person remains selfish and self-centered? If you spend an amount of time with a person or in a relationship and now you're ready to go to the next phase, Whatever phase that may be and the other person is sister on remain endowment and that current phrase That's a clear sign that they're not willing to grow with you At least with you. I didn't say willing to
Shannon:
Hehehe
Shun:
grow but they're not willing to grow with you Ice will only keep a drink cold for so long and eventually it melts It will still be cold for a while, right? But soon it will lose its fate. It will become watered down Never let someone change your flavor Move on and find your person before you lose the best version of you waiting on the wrong one to step up.
Shannon:
All right.
Shun:
That's my redline topic for tonight. Where can they send this your Mr. Scanning?
Shannon:
Absolutely love it. So if you would like to win a $100 gift card, submit your red lines to wifeyandbabymama at gmail.com and if we choose your red line to read on the air the third Thursday which is when we read them, the third Thursday of each month. If we choose yours to read on the show, you will receive a $100 gift card. So please send them in. Thank you.
Shun:
Thank you. We're looking for a September winner. So you guys have got about two weeks to get them on in.
Shannon:
That's right. OK. Now we're on to our final segment of the night, the fictional family I'm feeling. All right. So the fictional cast, I should say, I'm feeling tonight comes from the movie Friends with Benefits, starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. So Justin plays a character by the name of Dylan. And Mila, I think that's her name, Mila, I call her Mila. And I'm not sure, but Jamie, it's her character. But anyway, they're really good friends, really, really close friends. And neither one of them are dating anyone and they decide, hey, let's just be friends with benefits. So we can sleep together with no strings attached. You do your thing, I do your thing. And whenever we need to hook up, we hook up. Hey, they think that's all good. goes on for a while and as it goes on, you can see she's developing feelings. Of course, because that's what happens. And they happen to be meeting with his sister. He's talking to his sister and or Dylan's talking to his sister and Jamie overhears him tell his sister that pretty much she's nothing to him because his sister asked him, why are y'all friends with benefits? And he said he's still looking for the one. The sister says well, she's not the one Jamie and he said no, she's not the one, you know And of course Jamie's hurt now if you're just friends with benefits, why are you hurt? so anyway Dylan finds her later to figure out why she's so upset and She says to him You know what you said to your sister that was just wrong friend wouldn't have done that and he says I Was just telling the truth. So I'm confused We're just friends." And she said, well, clearly we're not, because a friend wouldn't have done that. So it seems to me you were only trying to get into my pants. So of course, that's what we do sometimes as a society of sometimes it's women. Now it became him trying to get into her pants when they both agree to this unorthodox.
Shun:
Friends with benefits relationship.
Shannon:
Right, exactly. And so she's upset that. or she felt at that moment that he was trying to get into her pants. So my point is to these people, to everyone, not just the women, but, um, stop lying to yourself. And I say that a lot, Sean and I say that a lot. You probably like, why do you keep saying that? It's because if you're not going to be honest with what you're feeling for someone thinking, Oh, we can just sleep together and it's okay. Oh, I don't want to marry him. It's okay. knowing you have feelings, knowing that you're putting yourself on a back burner or putting, taking yourself off the market for someone who God probably has for you because you're
Shun:
Yeah.
Shannon:
wanting to play these games and get your feelings all caught up into foolishness because you're lying to yourself because you're not that strong. You are not that strong.
Shun:
And you can't play step up or step off with the person that you initially agreed to just have sex with.
Shannon:
Exactly.
Shun:
So getting to know yourself and being honest with yourself will avoid a whole lot of heartache. And she actually put herself in that position.
Shannon:
That's
Shun:
If
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
she wanted more than that, she should have told him. Because you know what
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
most women think, and I can't speak for men because we're women,
Shannon:
I'm going to go ahead and close the video.
Shun:
most women think if I just put it on him good
Shannon:
Uh-huh.
Shun:
enough, I can change his mind.
Shannon:
Nope.
Shun:
That's an absolute lie because that man isn't going to change his mind or commit to any woman except the one he wants to, no matter how many times
Shannon:
That's
Shun:
you have sex
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
with him or how much money you give him or what you buy him or how you treat his kids.
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
Know yourself
Shannon:
Know
Shun:
and
Shannon:
yourself.
Shun:
treat yourself well and make sure everyone else you're dealing with treats you well. And don't lie to yourself. Right?
Shannon:
down
Shun:
Fictional
Shannon:
there.
Shun:
family girl.
Shannon:
Great. So that is our show for tonight. We thank you for listening and subscribing and downloading across the globe. We're so grateful for all of you for tuning in and listening. We love looking at the numbers and the colors coming up on the globe across the world. So we appreciate you all and we look forward to next week.
Shun:
Love you all. Bye.
