Wifey and Baby Mama

Shun:
Hi, I'm Shawn.

Shannon:
Hi, and I'm Shannon.

Shun:
And we're the host of wifey and baby mama. We're happy to have you all back with us again and welcome You and all of our new listeners to this week's episode titled my baby mama is my best friend On tonight's episode we're going to discuss what life and relationships look like when you're the best when your best friends with your baby Mama and an outside relationship with a new partner, of course, if there's no one new in the picture I don't see it being an issue at all if you're keeping it right there and I say that because friends are just that, friends. As long as you keep boundaries and you're not muddy in the water jumping in and out of bed, I see absolutely no issue with keeping your relationship as thick as thieves.

Shannon:
Yeah, and you have to be honest with yourself. So some folks say, oh no, I'm good, I'm good. Or I'm over that or nothing could ever happen. And then on one night alone, things jump off. So you have to really be honest with yourself as well as with that other person. For example, if you know you still have a slight little inkling of something, I think it's hard. or difficult to maintain a friendship because whether you admit it or not, you're going to be having an influence on if he's trying to date or you're going to hold yourself back from other

Shun:
That's

Shannon:
successful

Shun:
right.

Shannon:
relationships.

Shun:
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm,

Shannon:
So

Shun:
that's right.

Shannon:
just be honest.

Shun:
And yeah, and that's why I said even if it's not a new partner You know if you guys are jumping in and out of bed then emotionally it will for sure have effects on you The anyone knew they're dating and any children involved, you know, that's definitely you know You two would be cool today Then someone doesn't answer

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
the phone on Friday and now you're either arguing or not talking So you don't want to visit the child because you and the mom had it out or mom doesn't want to answer your calls Because you went out on a date with another girl. That's no good. So for those type of reasons Even if you're not involved with anyone else, you know, it's still important to stay focused on a healthy non-sexual relationship If that's really your homie

Shannon:
You're right, that's really your homie. And when you just mentioned the kids, also, when kids have their mom and dad in their lives, of course they naturally want them to be together.

Shun:
Right.

Shannon:
When my parents got divorced, I was three, but it impacted me. So if they're seeing you going back and forth in a revolving door, you and the father, you and father, like... wait a minute, you know, are you together or you're not? And it's like I said a couple of weeks ago about a different topic, you're re-traumatizing the kids over and over and over. So,

Shun:
That's right. And you

Shannon:
yeah.

Shun:
know, I gotta say it, you know, you're gonna have those people who think oh no It's just sex is it knows no feelings. That's all I'm gonna

Shannon:
So

Shun:
call

Shannon:
yeah.

Shun:
BS on that I'm gonna call BS if you have sex it creates soul ties You can think you're the biggest player in the world, you know But if you are continuously having sex with the same person for years that other person or yourself It's gonna catch feelings even if you

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
think you know, you think you'd a coldest with it most heartless You could be the most hot this person on earth Someone is gonna stay attached and the thing about that is shanna in this situation You may not even know it because this is taking place in another realm You know, it's so nice

Shannon:
Right. Mm-hmm.

Shun:
and if you're not in touch with your spirit yourself You're just creating all kinds of confusion and you won't even realize it So that's

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
why I so vital to stay away from any sexual encounters when it comes to this matters You know if you want to

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
remain friends remain friends, but keep the sex out of it

Shannon:
Right. Yeah.

Shun:
And

Shannon:
And

Shun:
you

Shannon:
then

Shun:
know, don't

Shannon:
remaining.

Shun:
miss me. Oh, go ahead, honey.

Shannon:
Oh yeah. Go ahead.

Shun:
No, no, okay. No, I'm saying don't miss me. It is possible. You can absolutely have a best friend relationship with your baby mama and not have sex. It can be done. I think I say that so confidently because I have such an excellent relationship with my other daughter's father and hell would absolutely freeze over before it was any kind of sexual

Shannon:
Mm-hmm.

Shun:
contact again. And I don't mean that in a negative way, you know, whatsoever.

Shannon:
Right, right,

Shun:
We are

Shannon:
right.

Shun:
literally cooler than a fan. My sureness

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
comes from the fact that I'm so in love with my husband. I can't see through I see straight I think it's like a condition, you know almost but

Shannon:
Yes.

Shun:
My friends and family tease me to know in about that all the time

Shannon:
Alright,

Shun:
You know,

Shannon:
right.

Shun:
i'm only kidding about it being a condition though But i'm just saying i'm just blessed enough to have found what I believe was meant to be by the saying You know, there's someone for everyone,

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
you know, he's my someone so there's

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
no Question if i'm out with my daughter's other daughter's father that you know, we may drink too much and it's no Because I'm for

Shannon:
Right,

Shun:
sure and who

Shannon:
right.

Shun:
I am in my marriage, you know, hey, you know, he's

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
my man, but I've also had times, you know That you know, I told you guys it took us a minute to get here So finding this good place in a marriage or relationship does not come overnight There was a lot of crying and praying going on. Hell is still a lot of To this day as a matter of fact

Shannon:
Yeah, yeah.

Shun:
because marriages and relationships are work

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
But that's

Shannon:
Work.

Shun:
that you know, that's the importance of me sharing that to say even though we were apart for almost 17 years, Shannon, I told you guys all

Shannon:
Yeah,

Shun:
that to say,

Shannon:
yeah.

Shun:
we never stopped being friends, right? Because that's what we had first. And I think that's a very vital part of lasting relationships, not sex, not looks,

Shannon:
Right, right,

Shun:
but healthy

Shannon:
right.

Shun:
communication and laughter. The

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
laughter part may seem silly, but it's good for the soul. And if a person can't reach that kid in you, Shannon, then you're probably

Shannon:
Mm-hmm.

Shun:
not connect, they're not connecting with all of you.

Shannon:
That's the truth, absolute truth. And saying that, you know, Buddy and I, we're cool. We

Shun:
Right.

Shannon:
are, you know, we have love of family, but he's never been my friend or best friend or, you know. So the sides of him that you know, I would never

Shun:
Right

Shannon:
know. And

Shun:
exactly

Shannon:
of course don't need to. So

Shun:
But I get your point

Shannon:
that helps, yeah, it helps

Shun:
You don't see

Shannon:
when you

Shun:
it

Shannon:
can

Shun:
help you also realize

Shannon:
Mm-hmm.

Shun:
this ain't my person because he's not connected

Shannon:
Right,

Shun:
to all of me

Shannon:
right,

Shun:
You know what i'm saying?

Shannon:
exactly, absolutely.

Shun:
This can't be my person

Shannon:
Hmm?

Shun:
and it's gravely important for us to pick up on those things We you know, we talk about the 80 20 rule like we're gonna have no one's gonna have everything And I told you, you show me two perfect people, I'll show you two lying people. That

Shannon:
Yeah,

Shun:
doesn't happen. But

Shannon:
yeah.

Shun:
that's some things are vital to have and a friendship is one of them, Shannon. If your relationship is going to last.

Shannon:
Mm-hmm. Yep,

Shun:
No.

Shannon:
it is

Shun:
But

Shannon:
absolutely

Shun:
now,

Shannon:
necessary.

Shun:
yeah.

Shannon:
And I know some folks are listening to us, the two of us saying, who are you two to talk?

Shun:
I'm

Shannon:
You

Shun:
sorry.

Shannon:
didn't think about that before you had these babies. Well, that's why we're here. Hopefully

Shun:
That's

Shannon:
we

Shun:
it!

Shannon:
can help, you know, write

Shun:
Someone else

Shannon:
somebody.

Shun:
before they have some babies. Yeah, they let them know what's required to make this thing last So we don't get to the plate so you guys don't get to the places we were figuring it out But

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
you know I'm gonna give you cuz you know I'm just the flip side of the corn type of girl because you know, it's just never one side to any story, right? So

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
I'm gonna also show you how great it was that my husband and I are friends that we became we remain friends And so here we wound back up in his marriage because we just we were each other's perfect person But let me tell you

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
how that was dangerous in other relationships. Continuing to be his friend affected my other relationships because I was always in love with him. I couldn't hide it. You know, I tried. I even married someone else

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
hoping to force that love part out of my heart. Because for so many reasons, I thought we were just not good together when it came to relationships.

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
Right. But yet staying connected to him in any capacity ultimately ruined every relationship I had, even though we were a thousand miles apart. Because no man or woman wants to be with someone when they know their heart is somewhere else.

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
You

Shannon:
Yep.

Shun:
know now unlike me and my hang-ups with my hubby first time who is not my hubby again There are people

Shannon:
Thank

Shun:
who

Shannon:
you.

Shun:
are who have strictly baby mama baby Daddy relationships and there's no sex or desire to be intimate. You know my

Shannon:
Right,

Shun:
brother for instance

Shannon:
right.

Shun:
His baby mama his first child's mother he had when he was like a teenager You know out there just being a teenager and we like I said, we come from a broken home. No guidance So I think he had his daughter at 14 15 My mother was busy watching all the girls, honey, and the boy popped up with the baby boom. But anyways, she

Shannon:
Hehehehehehe

Shun:
had

Shannon:
Hehehehe

Shun:
the eyes on the wrong one. But seriously, so he had a young and because she was a young girl and so she became a part of our family. Right. She's our sister and this is our niece. But then now later along that along the road, he meets another girl. They were together for years. They get married and their last daughter, his first baby mama is their last daughter's godmother because they're all just cool like that. And I think it's dope.

Shannon:
Oh, wow. Yeah,

Shun:
And it kind

Shannon:
yeah.

Shun:
of reminds me of you and me. The

Shannon:
Mm-hmm.

Shun:
first baby mama was long gone out the picture. She was around, she was sis, that was nieceie.

Shannon:
Mm-hmm.

Shun:
But my brother and the girl, they had no father Dylan's. She was literally just our niece's mom

Shannon:
thing.

Shun:
and she became our sister.

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
So now they were so cool that the new wife became, she became the godmother to their new baby. And I think that's a clear example of when no lines are being crossed, when it's just strictly

Shannon:
Right,

Shun:
business.

Shannon:
right,

Shun:
You can continue

Shannon:
that is

Shun:
to grow

Shannon:
wonderful.

Shun:
healthy blended families. It's wonderful. Another friend of mine is in Alabama. I'm sorry. He worked with me for years He's like my brother now, but he was my sergeant the prison for years. He and his ex-wife are best of friends You know, their kids are good and grown girl Okay, so they don't have

Shannon:
Mm-hmm.

Shun:
no babies to take to daycare their kids are like grown graduated college You know,

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
but they were actually divorced before them the big moments, but they attend to all the graduations their son's wedding He's married now and any other family events Even like after their divorce. In fact, they live behind each other still, you know, he gets her car

Shannon:
Oh, wow.

Shun:
like every other weekend Yeah, and details it she brings him food when she cooks he brings her food when he grilled He's the grill master like for real. I

Shannon:
Uh

Shun:
mean

Shannon:
huh.

Shun:
like they both date whoever and whenever they want for years You know I teach them like once you just get back with her

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
But

Shannon:
Ha

Shun:
they'll

Shannon:
ha

Shun:
both quickly tell you

Shannon:
ha.

Shun:
no, we don't work as husband and wife and I just respect

Shannon:
Right?

Shun:
that so much You know what i'm

Shannon:
Oh

Shun:
saying?

Shannon:
yeah, oh yeah, yeah. And hopefully, well, not hopefully, it sounds like the people that they do date are comfortable with their friendship

Shun:
Yeah.

Shannon:
because you're gonna have those that won't be.

Shun:
Mm-hmm.

Shannon:
They're gonna not understand it, they're gonna look at you sideways like, oh, wait a minute, what y'all have going on? Like I remember, I think I mentioned this before, like when my husband, when I told him that me and Buddy were, you know, we're cool. We're cordial, we are more than cordial.

Shun:
Right.

Shannon:
He didn't understand it, you know?

Shun:
I'm going to go to bed.

Shannon:
Because he had never seen it. He had never witnessed any relationship like that, where

Shun:
Once it's done, it's done.

Shannon:
once it's done, it's done, yeah. And so there might be people that you have to kind of get them on board or... If there are some boundaries, you know, that might be being a little bit crossed or making your new partner a little bit uncomfortable, you

Shun:
You

Shannon:
know,

Shun:
need to adjust that you need

Shannon:
talk

Shun:
to adjust

Shannon:
about it.

Shun:
it

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
Adjust it because you're gonna always want to respect your new person because you guys are exes for a reason You know what i'm saying? So

Shannon:
Wrathringed.

Shun:
you need to always respect a new person and even if it doesn't work out and you go back and be like hey You know that wasn't the guy for me Or that wasn't the girl for me

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
You don't want to let your ex relationship be the determining factor in your new situation, you know

Shannon:
That's

Shun:
So

Shannon:
right.

Shun:
I mean even in this topic shannon it fits you and I in a different capacity, you know in our case We're

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
baby mamas When we were baby mamas, you know, we were like best friends. I'm buddy's wife now

Shannon:
Thank

Shun:
But at one

Shannon:
you.

Shun:
point we both carried the title of baby mama

Shannon:
Baby

Shun:
You

Shannon:
mama,

Shun:
know

Shannon:
that's true,

Shun:
and our

Shannon:
right?

Shun:
running joke, you know when we called each other saw each other was hey baby mama Which

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
is it how the show name was decided? You know, it just so happened

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
by the time it came in your spirit to start the podcast

Shannon:
Yep.

Shun:
I was wifey again, you know, but

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
it wasn't like I was always wifey, you know, but we have

Shannon:
Right,

Shun:
such a

Shannon:
right.

Shun:
A chill vibe. I mean I can drop by your crib if I'm in town vice versa.

Shannon:
Mm-hmm.

Shun:
Even my husband, you know when we're in Charlotte, be like,

Shannon:
Absolutely.

Shun:
you want to go hang out with Shannon? I mean he

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
has no hang ups with us communicating outside of him even

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
being about because everyone, including your husband, is clear about our situation and that's what makes the difference.

Shannon:
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Shun:
You know,

Shannon:
And I love it.

Shun:
I love it as well. So

Shannon:
Yeah

Shun:
I think the biggest problem, you know, I'm wrapping this up as I can foresee with your baby mama being your best friend is that someone still has feelings that they can't let go of or they continue to sneak around sexually and things get messy. But if your baby mama is your best friend and you're single, I think that's perfectly fine. And even when there are... You um seeing another person if there are other people involved on either side the baby mama baby daddy As long as the boundaries are laid shannon like we just said and everyone's

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
on the same page I think you being

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
best guys being best friend is golden. It's golden to me because

Shannon:
Right,

Shun:
I think anything

Shannon:
it is.

Shun:
That can make the child live in a better situation and positivity, you know, it's always

Shannon:
Mm-hmm,

Shun:
a win It's

Shannon:
it is,

Shun:
always a win

Shannon:
absolutely, absolutely.

Shun:
All right, well with that point I'm going to move into my segment for tonight. All right, this week's red line is titled, keep your ships straight. Keep your ships

Shannon:
Hehehehe.

Shun:
straight. People don't allow any friendship, any friendship to strain your relationship. When it comes to baby mamas and baby daddies being best friends, the most important thing is to keep the lines clear. If you have a partner, you can't allow your friendship to override what your partner's opinions or feelings are. I mean, it's okay to have connections with your child's mom. In fact, I recommend it. Being without someone, being, you know, without someone new, it can sometimes weigh on the amount of responsibility you end up having between the baby mama, you know, and your new person, you know. Don't, but don't allow your child's mother though. If you have to put your boundaries in, don't allow your child's mother to put guilt trips on you. Make any demands, especially

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
if it's disrespectful to your new someone, you know, for instance

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
your baby mama has no business telling The new girl whenever there's an event and you know something important with the child. Oh, you can't show up I mean now child

Shannon:
Mm-hmm.

Shun:
now we're gonna have misunderstanding. Okay,

Shannon:
Right. Ha ha ha.

Shun:
some things it's to be expected You know that the biological parents take precedence For instance

Shannon:
Mm-hmm.

Shun:
a surgery is taking place only two people come in that by all means should be the mom and dad If a graduation is taking place and we only got two tickets, I think by all means that should be the biological parents like no doubt hands down

Shannon:
Oh yeah, for sure.

Shun:
but You know and even that requires some you know grown that requires you're being grown But just because mom and dad are best friends does not mean mom continues to have an opinion of dad's personal dealings So be the best friends if you can handle it, but never allow that to interfere with your relationship So i'm going to remind you One more time people when it comes to this Keep your ship straight. Friendships

Shannon:
Hehehehe

Shun:
and relationships both have their courses. They both have their boundaries.

Shannon:
They do.

Shun:
And that's my Red Line topic for tonight.

Shannon:
All right, love it.

Shun:
I'm sorry.

Shannon:
Love it. All right, so now our final segment. Oh, I'm sorry, before we get to our final segment, gotta remind everyone, please submit a red line submission to

Shun:
Yes.

Shannon:
our mailbox at wifeyandbabymamaatgmail.com for a chance to win your $100 gift card. if your red line is chosen to be read on the third Thursday of each month. So the third Thursday of every single month we will have a winner that will receive a $100 gift card. So we

Shun:
So

Shannon:
welcome

Shun:
make sure

Shannon:
your

Shun:
to

Shannon:
submission.

Shun:
get your submissions in. Yes, we get some interesting ones too. So please keep

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
sending them. I love reading

Shannon:
Yes,

Shun:
them.

Shannon:
please, please. Thank you so much.

Shun:
I love reading them. I'm weighing in with my two cents.

Shannon:
All right, so now we're wrapping up. We're at our final segment, the fictional family I'm filling. And the fictional family I'm filling this week comes from the sitcom, All of Us, which starred Dwayne Martin, Elise Neal, and Lisa Ray. And Lisa Ray and Dwayne. Their names were Robert and Nisi. They were married and had a son and then got divorced but remained really, really close. And he got engaged to Elise Neal. But in this particular episode, he's out with his best friend and his best friend's on a date and for whatever reason, his ex-wife. Nisi goes with him on this date instead of his fiance. So they're sitting there having dinner and the interaction between Nisi and Robert is so cool. The therapist asks, oh, so how long have you two been married? And... They say, oh, we're not married. Oh, no, we're divorced. They started making all these faces and stuff. Now they're disgusted with each other. And yet they keep talking. They go back to talking, and the therapist is just watching them. And she said, hmm. And they look at her, and they're like, huh, what? What are you doing? We're not in a therapy session. And she says, if I didn't know any better, are still in love. She

Shun:
away.

Shannon:
said, No, I really do. I think you're both still in love with each other. And they said, you know, of course, no way, no way. And, you know, they, it goes to another scene. So my point with that, all of that is if you even when you are best friends, there's things when, you know, when you were in a relationship when that was your husband, you were husband and wife. you just do certain things for each other or whatever. That I don't think you should do once you're

Shun:
it's

Shannon:
in a

Shun:
a

Shannon:
new

Shun:
lovely.

Shannon:
relationship. So for example, part of the story too, when Robert and Nisi sat down at the table and she was trying to figure out what to order and she said something, he was like, oh no, you don't like that. You know you don't like that. That'll make you feel this way, you know, whatever. It's like, nah, let it, you know. There are certain

Shun:
Right.

Shannon:
things that if his fiance was there, which she

Shun:
It

Shannon:
wasn't

Shun:
would have been

Shannon:
there.

Shun:
to her. I'm sure it offended

Shannon:
Exactly,

Shun:
her.

Shannon:
exactly. So

Shun:
If

Shannon:
when

Shun:
it was

Shannon:
I,

Shun:
a go ahead. I'm sorry. That's what we're doing.

Shannon:
no, when

Shun:
Go

Shannon:
I

Shun:
ahead,

Shannon:
thought

Shun:
baby

Shannon:
it, no, yeah. When I thought about that episode, when I thought about what we were doing tonight, the episode we were doing tonight, and then that one, I'm like, oh wow, that is really aligned to our subject matter tonight.

Shun:
Absolutely, that's what I was gonna say and I'm sorry I thought you were done and I didn't mean to jump in but you know this

Shannon:
That's

Shun:
might be

Shannon:
okay.

Shun:
waiting to run but But that's absolutely The whole basis of this episode tonight If someone a total stranger or friend or even if it's just a friend of one of you guys picked up on that I think that's a behave and way inappropriately, you know what I mean? It's no way that someone should be like well, how long have you been there? That means that you're way too comfortable and then guess what though if you have been there five ten twenty years Maybe you do know the person like the back of your hand But once you're

Shannon:
Hell

Shun:
in

Shannon:
yeah.

Shun:
a new relationship because then you say he was engaged to someone new

Shannon:
Yep, he is

Shun:
Well, it's time.

Shannon:
or was.

Shun:
Yeah, it's time it was it's time to back up off of that a little bit You know what? I mean, you can't continue to carry on as if you're in the marriage when you're totally with someone else so I mean that's a prime example of you got to know when to draw the line or how to behave appropriately because I don't know if you was my uh, fiance if you'd have been at dinner with your baby mama anyways But you know, that's a whole nother story. But how did that how that go down?

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
But then compared to, I said about my ex-sergeant at the prison and his wife, like they do a lot for each other, like cook dinner, detail cars. But I'm sure if he had a new partner who said, I don't like you washing your ex-wife's

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
car every weekend. Like, what the lady said, get somebody

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
else to do it. If that was the case, I'm sure he would stop. But I think because we're from such a small town, everyone understands that they're really like just cool like that. But I'm

Shannon:
pain.

Shun:
sure if that was a you know a thing to be crossed that at that point someone would have to address it Because

Shannon:
Oh

Shun:
if

Shannon:
yeah.

Shun:
my friend would say well, no, I've been watching her car for 25 years I'm gonna keep watching it to me that would be putting your ex Uh over your current right or wrong

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
I mean, i'm not saying that you can't meet somewhere in the middle of the road But I think anytime that you blatantly say oh no, i've been doing this for so long and something there It needs to be addressed and

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
in your fictional family I think it's something there that needs to be addressed. That's just my opinion.

Shannon:
Yep, I agree. All right. So that is the fictional family I'm feeling this week.

Shun:
Awesome.

Shannon:
So we want to thank you once again, as Sean did at the top of the show. We want to thank you again for listening. We welcome you every Thursday, 7.30. PM if you want to listen at that time or anytime. Whereas we are on all platforms, you can download episodes and listen to us at any time. Anytime

Shun:
anytime.

Shannon:
you have 25 to 30 minutes

Shun:
Hehehehe

Shannon:
to kill. So we appreciate you all and we look forward to next week. Bye.

Shun:
Until then, love you all. Bye bye.