Wifey and Baby Mama

Shun:
Hi, I'm Shawn.

Shannon:
Hi, and I'm Shannon.

Shun:
We're the host of wifey and baby mama We want to thank you all who listened and subscribed on last week and welcome you to this week's episode titled. It's over now So let's get into this over now So what happens when the sexual and physical attractions gone between the parents, but we still have a child to raise

Shannon:
there are no children,

Shun:
to it.

Shannon:
you know, there's still drama when there are no children involved.

Shun:
Absolutely, you know what can subside a lot of that. It's this is where being grown having boundaries and respecting your exes

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
Just there. There's just their space their new relationships Whatever it may be. This is where that comes into play and if people would just put their feelings aside It would keep a lot of drama down

Shannon:
Yeah, but as we both know, when there are feelings involved, you know, it's hard to turn it off like a switch.

Shun:
It is.

Shannon:
And people wanna, yeah, and people wanna hold on to something that's no longer there. They know in their heart it's no longer there, but they wanna try to make it work somehow.

Shun:
Yeah, but you know, that's where a lot of the taxes a toxicity and a lot of these situations come into People just not being able to get over the fact that it's over, you know

Shannon:
the air. Right,

Shun:
And that creates constant drums and eventually uh constant drama and eventually problems with a new partner

Shannon:
exactly.

Shun:
I mean I've had some treacherous it's over nouns

Shannon:
Right, right. And then a lot of, yeah, yeah. And then a lot of times when you see situations working, and a lot of people will say this about us too, they might say, well, that's because someone didn't have feelings anymore. And that's the reason why it works. But it can still work when there are someone, when someone is still holding on to something,

Shun:
Absolutely, you can have feelings. You just don't have to act on them, you know, especially if both partners have agreed

Shannon:
you know, we. That's right.

Shun:
You know, this is not gonna work. Like we know it is no good. Love doesn't turn off with a switch

Shannon:
That's right.

Shun:
You know, we both know that like you said

Shannon:
Right,

Shun:
But however situations have to come to an end and people have to move forward and that's what stops a lot of the friction

Shannon:
right. Yeah, yep. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Shun:
So, you know though that's what we want to discuss tonight and like, you know, here's some of your ideas on What are you doing? It's over now, you know My suggestion from just living life and like I said having a lot of treacherous is over now as myself. It's just to move on

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
Just just move on

Shannon:
Hehehe Yeah, yeah. And for me, The only thing I can say from my own experience is it just took me growing up, just maturing. So it wasn't something that I woke up with at 21 years old. I had to mature over time. But I know people that are my age today that are still dealing with it. So I'm not sure what to say to those folks. You know, each person has to find their path.

Shun:
But I hope that what we bring here. I hope that the message we're trying to put out in this I think is Stop it before it gets to that point. You know, if people would just let go when it's when it's when it's over they will let go Not not go your feelings because that takes time We all know that but you know pray find another outlet exercise whatever you need to do, but hanging on to a situation is not gonna

Shannon:
in. You say exercise.

Shun:
Exercise whatever you need to do, you know work it out, but whatever you do Hanging on to that person is not the answer. And like you said, we both know it, it comes with time and growth. So hopefully, like I said, if you're our age

Shannon:
Right, right.

Shun:
or if you're older and you're already in that, you can come out of it. But hopefully if you're younger and you're listening to this, then you know how to deal with within it's over now, because that's very, very necessary and very real. Like you said, Shannon, sometimes there are no kids involved, but it's imperative when children are involved to not create that toxic environment because it then goes off into the children.

Shannon:
That's right.

Shun:
I can remember my it's over now for the first time with hubby like I mentioned in the first episode This is my second time around with him But when it was over when he you know, he went away He was instrumental in saying hey here Shannon's phone number because Shannon you and I did not know each other Until Jamila my daughter was two years old remember and he was instrumental and saying hey look

Shannon:
that's true yeah, yep

Shun:
I know this is what it is But I want you to take her number and I want even though you and I are not together She and I are not together. I want these kids to get to know each other You know, and so it's all being grown. And that's how we formed our bond. And while he was instrumental in making sure we met, you know, the children met, um, we chose to still be grown. I could have been like, I ain't calling her, you know, or you could have been like,

Shannon:
Yep.

Shun:
well, what's she calling me for?

Shannon:
Exactly.

Shun:
You know, I don't, I don't want to deal with her. We both accepted that our children were siblings.

Shannon:
Yep. Yep. And... Right, and two, it was big on you because you traveled, you know, you came to Charlotte,

Shun:
That's right.

Shannon:
you did, because I had left Buffalo by then, I was no longer living in Buffalo and I had moved back to Charlotte and you came here and that took a lot, that speaks volumes of the limps you were willing to go through

Shun:
to make sure that our children knew each other.

Shannon:
to ensure, you know, that these kids were gonna be bonded. Mm-hmm,

Shun:
Absolutely, but um you were big and accepted me into your home again. You could have said I don't I don't need to know nothing about her

Shannon:
yes. Yeah!

Shun:
You know yours your son you could think you got I think he was like 11 by then, you know 11 12 When Jamila was he was like whatever

Shannon:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shun:
but Again, all of that came from us being grown and I know You have a husband now, you know, and I'm married to that doesn't mean that you didn't still have feelings

Shannon:
in.

Shun:
Think when you have a child with someone let me get this straight. I think you will always Have a love form in some capacity. I mean unless you're inhumane you will hold some kind of and and not a sexual love, you know, but just a

Shannon:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Shun:
Love you if you father a mother a mother a father someone's child and you should naturally have a love and respect for them

Shannon:
Right, right.

Shun:
You know human kindness

Shannon:
Exactly,

Shun:
But sometimes people make it so toxic. That's a fact

Shannon:
exactly and their family will always be family.

Shun:
But sometimes though, Shannon, people make it so toxic, you can't even do it. Or they're just so, they're just holding on

Shannon:
True, true.

Shun:
and it's just hard. But again, I know I've used this word a lot and I implore that this is the keynote to this message, is being grown and mature.

Shannon:
Yeah, yeah.

Shun:
I think that's a lot of it.

Shannon:
Yeah, and I remember situations where the new girlfriends would, I don't know if they would fear me or they expected. I don't know some type of baby mama drama from me or whatever, but I think they're, when you're dating. someone with children or you know about to marry someone or already married to someone with children, I think we should not have expectations of the other, of the other woman in the situation or in the triangle. Because when you go in with expectations, you're setting yourself up either, you know, you could be really, really right, but nine times out of ten you're probably going to be wrong. So... just go in with an open mind

Shun:
Absolutely.

Shannon:
and say I'm willing to meet

Shun:
Mm-hmm.

Shannon:
and talk to

Shun:
Right.

Shannon:
this person, get to know this person. And you know, just knowing that it's not going to be perfect, I'm sure, in most cases, but there are so many examples of where it is successful and it can work.

Shun:
Absolutely.

Shannon:
And that's all we're saying here today.

Shun:
Yeah, just try just try your best like you said to go with a fresh eye and make it successful now

Shannon:
You know?

Shun:
I'm going to tell you shannon it is time so when you can try it all With all your might and people are just dead bent on not getting along

Shannon:
Oh yeah, oh yeah,

Shun:
Are dead bent on being ignorant and i'm going to tell you what some of that falls back to

Shannon:
right.

Shun:
Them not letting their feelings go for that other person whether it be the male or the female

Shannon:
Exactly.

Shun:
But then you're intruding or you're protruding your your feelings until this new partner because you can't let go of the person But you got to realize something your ex chose them So you shouldn't direct that negativity or that drama to that new person, you know

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
It's just draining. It's draining on both the heads. It's raining on the new partner and it's raining on you move on

Shannon:
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Shun:
It's over

Shannon:
And, yep, and we've seen, right, and we've seen so many examples where, you know, people get hurt. You know,

Shun:
Oh girl, absolutely.

Shannon:
their lives are in danger because people won't let go and, you know, or sometimes, you know, someone's still trying to hang on to something, meaning the baby daddy can sometimes be messy at times. We've seen

Shun:
Yeah.

Shannon:
that. But when it's over, it's over, it's time to draw the lines and just walk away. Ain't no, you know, ain't no bussing out nobody's windows and

Shun:
I bust the windows out your car.

Shannon:
keying cars and... Did you, did you

Shun:
And now I'm I play I played the fifth I played the fifth but I

Shannon:
show it? Okay.

Shun:
Will say this I will say this again when you said about the age thing now I'm not the only reason we can speak on this is like I said in the beginning is because we've been through it

Shannon:
Right, right, right.

Shun:
So I can now as a grown woman, you know almost 50 year old woman sit here and say

Shannon:
Right, right, yeah.

Shun:
Hey, listen, that is not the answer. I paid a lot of bail money and lawyer fees for not being grown Okay, just be grown

Shannon:
I'm sorry.

Shun:
And I want to, I want to help the people, you know, we're not here.

Shannon:
Help the people.

Shun:
I want them to get a clear understanding that there's no judge. I have no role. I'm trying to help somebody avoid things that I went through because it

Shannon:
Alright.

Shun:
ain't worth it.

Shannon:
Yes,

Shun:
It's not worth it.

Shannon:
it's not, it's not. And then when you see how your children can bond too, if everyone will remember to put them first, instead of themselves at the end, they would really have no regrets in how they handled themselves

Shun:
Just keep it, keep it classy.

Shannon:
in this situation. Yeah.

Shun:
And if you keep it classy, you can always come to the table.

Shannon:
Keep it classy.

Shun:
That's just the way I look at it. I had exes that could still come to dinner and I can be there with my new friend or boyfriend or whatever. And my mom be like, come on in. And guess what? It's no tension. It's no bad harm, fulfillings, bad feelings, unless that person comes with drama.

Shannon:
Mm-hmm.

Shun:
So see how leaving the drama just solves whole it solves a whole it takes it to a whole nother level

Shannon:
Okay.

Shun:
You know, so I think that's um

Shannon:
Yeah. Yep.

Shun:
I'm i'm thinking like that's the thing. I want people to pick up but also not to beat yourself up If you've been there done that so what grow up move on? But mainly for the people who haven't been in that situation or maybe in this situation

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
This is really who I wanted to reach, you know If you're young and out there in a relationship and it's over let it go because like you said I have seen So many young people these days. It's a lot of young people getting hurt these days behind a boyfriend Somebody they dated six months and kids are losing their lives or cutting people and going to jail like this

Shannon:
Yes. Mm-hmm.

Shun:
It's not oh, it's not worth it when it's over. It's over It and I would love for people to stay friends because I think it's unhealthy to spend let me say something else

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
I think it's unhealthy to spend years with someone and not be able to be their friend you know, I I just

Shannon:
Right,

Shun:
I just disagree. I mean and to a point, you know, don't you don't got to call my new man every night

Shannon:
yep.

Shun:
You know if you your ex oh, I was checking on you today You know, I tell you you got to just be clear with people because oh on that show

Shannon:
Yeah. Right.

Shun:
They said it's okay for us to be friends. You know, I mean when you be friends Hey, what's up when you see each other give each other a handshake. Oh, how you doing? Keep it moving

Shannon:
Mm-hmm.

Shun:
That doesn't mean well if you free for dinner we can go no. No, that's not what that means. Just keep a healthy relationship even when it's over. Just maintain healthiness.

Shannon:
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And a lot of people think too, or at least young girls, that because you have a child with someone, and there might be men that feel this way too, so I'm just speaking from a female perspective, but they think just because they have a child with someone that this is who they're supposed to be with, or this is the family I'm supposed to have.

Shun:
Right.

Shannon:
Yeah, that's not the case.

Shun:
Be getting off

Shannon:
You

Shun:
into

Shannon:
know,

Shun:
my red line topic

Shannon:
we know

Shun:
girl.

Shannon:
there are oops babies. Isn't that the old term phrase? Oops babies out there.

Shun:
The oops baby.

Shannon:
So yeah, you had a couple. So yeah, just

Shun:
Okay.

Shannon:
understand. You can have a child with someone and that's not your person. That is

Shun:
That's

Shannon:
not

Shun:
a

Shannon:
your

Shun:
fact.

Shannon:
person.

Shun:
Oh girl preach about it. That can definitely be

Shannon:
Alright,

Shun:
the case

Shannon:
I heard you mention those red lines.

Shun:
Alright. Yeah, we're gonna get into my look since you already started me take me into my red line

Shannon:
Okay. All right. On to the red lines.

Shun:
Okay, so since Shannon went ahead and prelude prelude is no sense in holding it off The red line topic for tonight

Shannon:
Hehehehe

Shun:
is when baby daddy's overstep Now on last week, we discussed how baby mamas do the most sometimes. Well, guess what fellas sure time this week Now keep in mind. We're

Shannon:
Hehehehehehe

Shun:
not here to point fingers or bash, you know, but state facts and shed a little light While it is more common, you know, for women to bicker and hang on to lingering feelings, you also have those guys who don't know how to let go. Shannon just mentioned. Or they feel like they have free reign to an ex because she had his child. That's a negative. You have to have boundaries. You know, you have to have boundaries and respect for the relationship. Just because you fathered a child doesn't mean you can call or contact that woman whenever you feel like it. You know what I'm saying? The parents have to set

Shannon:
Heh heh.

Shun:
up and establish. Appropriate terms, you know and stick by them, you know, I have two children with better-not-hubbies You know, I stated we had me a hubby that has some up-and-down breaks falls bends but but we made our way back around but Have an excellent relationship with their fathers and my hubby gets the utmost respect from their father because guess what I demand it I'm not saying I'm a boss. I'm not saying

Shannon:
Yes.

Shun:
it's just simply my children will be raised healthy And I'm not with the foolishness now. I might be a little foolish now. I You know if it's any drama no mom.

Shannon:
Heheheheheheh!

Shun:
I'm gonna start it, but y'all gonna be hating on no serious business They are they

Shannon:
You get

Shun:
are grown.

Shannon:
that right.

Shun:
You know, they're grown men And I appreciate that about them. So again, like with the situation last week, it could be emergencies that they may contact me or one of the kids and answer the phone and they're nervous. And Jimmy's, I'm not gonna say, oh, why he called you. When there's children together, it's to a degree to be understood. It will be contact without the other parent knowing. It's on that partner to let them know, hey, such and such called me and this is what happened. So how do you feel about that, Shanna?

Shannon:
Yeah, I agree with that. Now, when there are situations where one partner, they don't want to comply. Like, for example, if the hubby is still wanting to play the two against each other, how do you become the mature one in that situation? Because. It's rare for two women who are pitted against each other for them to really stand up and say, hey, I'm not gonna be the messy one.

Shun:
That's true, but let me tell you I had a situation with one of With the daughter that's not hubbies and um, the father and I was on some others. So, you know what we did we got His I would kind I would deal with his mother until you can get yourself together. I'll deal with your mom You know what? I mean, I would I would not allow that toxicity

Shannon:
Okay,

Shun:
around

Shannon:
okay.

Shun:
my daughter. No If you can't be grown you're going

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
about yourself because sometimes like I said, they those men can't let go either So you're going about your business or

Shannon:
Hmm.

Shun:
they want to do what they want to do and say, you know We have a child we should try and work it out, but then they study doing them But then they want you to stand right here in this corner

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
You have to decide as a grown

Shannon:
Exactly.

Shun:
woman What you getting ready to do you you can't you can't run my life while you study doing what you want to do in your life So again, it all circles back to

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
watching being grown, you know disrespectful It's all full circle

Shannon:
Yeah,

Shun:
when it comes to

Shannon:
yeah,

Shun:
relationships

Shannon:
right, right.

Shun:
And I

Shannon:
Yeah,

Shun:
know you're

Shannon:
the

Shun:
gonna

Shannon:
level

Shun:
have...

Shannon:
of maturity,

Shun:
Mm-hmm. That's a fact.

Shannon:
yeah, the level of maturity it takes is, you know, what it takes.

Shun:
And I've had friends that I've, I've saw my friends raise other people's children. Like their partner will have kids and they've been over backwards to try to make the child feel at home. And the mother, the natural mother, the child, oh, I don't want my child. If it's a toxic situation, you gotta assess that thing. If I really truly feel

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
like you are with someone new, now I could have no feelings for you at all. But if you're with someone new and I know that person despises me, you know, and has been spiteful to me. Now, how smart would it be to let my child go around that person? You see what I'm saying?

Shannon:
Right.

Shun:
So you

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
got to just, each

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
situation is unique. You know, each individual situation has got to be assessed in different ways. But you just got to be smart about it. But at all cost, though, I

Shannon:
right.

Shun:
would say if it's a new partner, especially if it's long term, just try to get along. I find this more healthier for the kids, you know?

Shannon:
Yeah, most definitely. Most definitely. Healthier for the kids and healthier even for the person that's still trying to hang on. If you let go, you'll

Shun:
That's

Shannon:
find

Shun:
true too.

Shannon:
yourself at peace a lot quicker. So much quicker. All right. So as

Shun:
So

Shannon:
you

Shun:
my

Shannon:
just

Shun:
red

Shannon:
heard,

Shun:
line is

Shannon:
Sean,

Shun:
complete,

Shannon:
read

Shun:
Shannon.

Shannon:
those

Shun:
Ha ha.

Shannon:
red lines. Yes. I was... I was... Yeah, so as you just heard, Sean, complete the red line. You can please, please submit your red line. in for a chance to win a hundred dollar gift card if your red line is chosen to be read on the podcast and we will announce a winner and read that submission on the third Thursday of every month so please submit them to wifeyandbabymama at gmail.com That is wifeyandbabymama.gmail.com for your chance to win $100. All

Shun:
Yes.

Shannon:
right. All right. Now on to a segment we like to call the fictional family I'm feeling. And the fictional family I'm feeling this week, they are the Alvarez's. They are a reboot of the 1970s franchise, One Day at a Time. But in this reboot, it's starring Justina Machado. And the Alvarez's are a Cuban family. And the episode that was really cute and fun to me was one where. the mother, if you all remember, you know, one day at a time, the original one was a mother, single mother, and her two daughters. In the reboot, it's a single mother and her son and daughter. But this particular episode is when she was happily married. It started when she was happily married. Her first child was born, a daughter, and she's with her husband in their... cute little apartment and her mother and father are there and as most Cubans do, they want to live with their daughter and their new family and the mother says, we're moving in with you and the father, her father, her... Yes, her father says to his wife, you have to put it in the phrase, a form of a question so that they'll think it's their idea. And I know I just messed up the joke or whatever, but anyway, the whole point is they moved in. So her parents moved in with the family and fast forward to years later when they're no longer, happy family, they're divorced and... The father has moved on to be with someone else and yet the mother and father are still there. Her mother and father are still there showing, you know, it takes a village. And I'm so glad to see situations where people, you know, have that village step in for them and to see that her parents or even if it was aunt and uncle or whoever was there from the beginning. to the end.

Shun:
Absolutely Yeah, and it does take a village I I remember myself when my arm My father moved in with us. I was working at a prison and I worked crazy long hours and my father moved in just because My husband at the time and I both worked at the prison and it was just more it was suitable for us to bring him To our home because you know then pack the girls up take them to him and guess what when we divorced Guess who was there to pick up the pieces for me? My father continued to watch those girls, take them to the doctor. Whatever I needed him to do, he was instrumental in helping me. And my sisters would come over on days that he couldn't feed them or comb their hair. This one, my sister stepped in. So you're absolutely right. It does take a village to raise these kids. I mean, there's some super warmers out there and I have been super mom at

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
one point, but it's not fun.

Shannon:
Yeah.

Shun:
It's not fun to be super mom. I welcome my village and my help.

Shannon:
Yes, yes. Right. Thank you. So now we have come to the end of our show today. And we want to remind everyone to subscribe. and to listen in each week as we will have new episodes out every Thursday. And don't forget to like and share and tell your friends and family.

Shun:
and tell a friend to tell a friend.

Shannon:
And tell, yes, tell a friend, have a friend, tell a friend, all right. And we thank you for being a part of this journey. And Also, don't forget to submit your Redline submissions so you can win your $100 every third Thursday of the month. And thank you again for joining us. And until next week, Sean and I love you all.

Shun:
Love you, bye.