Wifey and Baby Mama

Shun (00:36.734)
Hey, I'm Shun.

Shannon (00:38.241)
Hi, and I'm Shannon.

Shun (00:40.082)
And we're the host of Wifey and Baby Mama. Happy Thursday, family, and happy Thursday, Shannon.

Shannon (00:45.505)
Happy Thursday!

Shun (00:48.038)
Welcome to episode 14 of season 5 if you can believe it We only have one more episode left before this season comes to an end. my gosh, and I'm tripping. Okay? Either time flew by or we're getting really good at this. I don't know what you think

Shannon (00:55.459)
Wow.

I know, so fast.

Shun (01:08.328)
Yeah.

Shannon (01:08.707)
I'm not gonna pat myself on the back. I'm gonna say time flew. Okay, okay, okay.

Shun (01:13.214)
Well, I am I think we getting good at it so we can get a little bit of both Could be you know that we've just had amazing guests this season Shannon fall season Yeah, I mean we went all out to make sure you know You guys had other people's opinions to compare these topics to and we dug deep and I think tonight May be one of our realest and most important topics we discussed yet So it's important and sensitive, you know, so we have not one

Shannon (01:22.973)
yeah, all season.

Shun (01:42.554)
Not two but three guests here to help us break it down tonight and tonight's topic is titled home versus home We just keep blowing your minds. I know we got three people here to talk to you And since we have Isn't that a first? Yeah Give it an applause. Give it applause

Shannon (01:55.989)
Yes, and that's the first. That is the first. I have to, yes, I have to clap for that because yes, yes, have to clap for that one. We're so happy.

Shun (02:07.645)
Here at Wifey and Baby Mama Honey, we don't wait for the big bear. We celebrate our small victories. And to be able to get three people in this busy world, three very busy people to come on at one time, we are grateful. since we have so many great minds here, we gotta go deep. We're gonna go ahead and get right in. We're gonna have everyone introduce themselves. And first up, have Minister Tiffany Simmons. Minister Simmons, would you introduce yourself to the audience?

Minister Tiffany Simmons (02:31.867)
Yes, I'm so glad to be here. My name is Minister Tiffany Simmons. I am just excited to be a part of this podcast on tonight. Just a little bit about myself. I minister at Mount Olive Baptist Church under the leadership of Pastor Dwayne Gillison. I am the mother of four beautiful grown, I can't believe they're all grown.

Shannon (02:54.787)
Yeah.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (02:55.537)
grown children. And I will just say that I've been always in the giving field. I work in human resources at OV Human Services and I just want to say that in life my biggest flex is my ministry. Being a licensed minister and just ministering to the community and ministering to the people. So just a little bit about myself and again thank you for being here.

Shannon (03:23.661)
Thank you.

Shun (03:24.349)
Thank you for joining us, Minister Tiffany. I'm looking forward to our conversation tonight. And next up we have Director, Producer, Mr. MacQuaid James. MacQuaid, would you introduce yourself to the audience, please?

Macquell (03:37.163)
Yes, hello, good evening. My name is McQuail. I go by Mac. I have a bunch of other nicknames, but Mac is usually the name I go by. I was born in Buffalo, but I was raised in Jacksonville, Florida. I'm an Army veteran. I did eight years. I have my master's degree in other degrees in film. I have other degrees and another master's degree in psychology. I just relocated back to Buffalo last year.

Shannon (03:47.085)
Hmm.

Macquell (04:06.39)
I've been married now for four years. I have two sons, one two and one one. And that's about it.

Shannon (04:15.699)
All right, welcome.

Shun (04:16.143)
enough Mac thank you for coming brother it is so hard I guess that's about it our guests will tell you that getting men on this show is like pulling teeth getting men as busy as you are is almost impossible Mac I thank you we appreciate you brother you are think are I third maybe third or fourth male guests we've had in five seasons so every male that we get on like we give you a super duper props so thank you for joining us tonight and finally I know you're all waiting I know you're waiting

Tamara Zantell (04:19.918)
That's about it.

Shannon (04:30.711)
Yes.

Shannon (04:41.965)
Thank you.

Macquell (04:42.131)
thank you.

Shannon (04:44.995)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (04:45.513)
for the girl, the one and only, the guru herself, Mrs. Tamara's Intel. Who needs no introduction, but we gonna let her go ahead and do her thing.

Shannon (04:49.027)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Shun (04:55.421)
Samara, you introduce yourself?

Tamara Zantell (04:55.534)
Hey, hey, hey, everyone. Thank you so much. Absolutely. Hello, everyone. Tamar Zantel here, and I am so excited to be returning. This is one of my favorite moments in time spent with y'all hanging out and having these really important conversations. And I promise I will not cut up tonight. So if you don't know me, I do want to introduce myself. I am the CEO and founder of Raising a Mogul and Legacy Brain Creators.

Shun (05:10.123)
you

Shannon (05:15.597)
Yeah.

Tamara Zantell (05:25.246)
I too am a mommy of five grown grown, just like Minister Tiffany children. And I also am a Nana. Yeah. So there are six grand Kings and Queens in my space and it is the most remarkable thing ever. So family is my jam. Also brand development, visibility, operations, and really anything around building family legacy. My sweet spot is kidpreneurs and small businesses that are committed to family legacy building.

Shannon (05:29.795)
you

Tamara Zantell (05:55.19)
So if that's you, I'm your girl.

Shannon (05:58.339)
All right, yeah, and you're one of us. Yes, yeah.

Shun (05:58.41)
And you can always And you're one of us so that's why we you know, you got the ledge, know We let the company go first. We let our guests go first tomorrow's like a permanent fixture here these days and listen minister Tiffany did not say but her church was right here in Buffalo New York So if anyone's looking for a church home Minister Tiffany is Mount Olive is here at Buffalo New York And if you want to know anything about Mac doing film tomorrow and her businesses you can hit

Shannon (06:08.651)
Right. Yeah.

Tamara Zantell (06:11.074)
You

Shun (06:25.477)
Shannon and I up at wifey and baby mom at gmail.com and we'll be glad to pass on any Messages or any requests you may have to reach these wonderful guests we have on here tonight So without further ado tomorrow, you will enjoy not being first up to bat tonight We're gonna be polite here and let the only male on this panel of four females who's in the hot seat tonight go first So we're gonna shoot the first question to him and we're gonna go ahead and get started Shannon. You ready?

Tamara Zantell (06:41.742)
No.

Tamara Zantell (06:48.526)
Let's go.

Shannon (06:52.419)
Let's do it.

Shun (06:54.205)
All right, I can't stress enough how important tonight's topic is. Like Tamara said, we do like to cut up on the show, but home versus home will highlight the differences in families when it comes to caring for our elderly parents. So that's a topic we thought Shannon and I was very near and dear and so that our guests, which is why they agreed to come on. And we want all of our guests to have an opportunity to get what they need to say off their chest. So right now without further ado, everybody buckle up, hold on. Mac, are you ready? First question's coming to you.

Alrighty Here you go. Do you feel putting your parents in an assistant living facility home is something you could do or do you think You could make that crucial sacrifice and keep them home in their own living environment

Macquell (07:24.373)
Yes.

Macquell (07:43.198)
No, I would definitely put my mom at home. Definitely for sure. And the quick, quickness.

Shun (07:45.891)
What? Wait a minute.

Tamara Zantell (07:53.699)
I'm not, no hesitation. I was not ready. I was not ready, Mac. I wasn't ready.

Shun (07:54.74)
I'm sorry it caught me off

Macquell (07:58.839)
I'm her in the most expensive facility that I can find in the world.

Shannon (08:08.803)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (08:10.077)
Mom, please don't listen to this episode mother. Please don't

Macquell (08:12.958)
No,

Shannon (08:13.569)
Okay, no, we gotta hear why. We have to hear why.

Tamara Zantell (08:16.489)
We have to hear why. There's a follow-up.

Macquell (08:17.238)
So I think Shun, think if that has met my mom before, think you've seen her before, I believe so.

Shun (08:23.783)
Yes, I have. filmed in her house. She was so gracious to let us use her home to film.

Macquell (08:27.062)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, so I'm an only child. Two family household. So of course, my mom was a bully. So he also me being married with two kids. I'm going to say that for worse. I've seen where if you have your parents in the house with the with a couple, it can be good or bad, depending on the parents and depend on the in-laws, depend on the marriage. That can be a thing or bad. So.

I would have just saved that drama and just say no. But also, because I'm so close to my mom, to see my mom at that type of health condition or if she do get that type of health issue, I probably couldn't mentally do it. I can't, yeah, mentally I can never see my mom that down and out. And me also, yeah, so I'm really big on that mental issue. So I would rather pay somebody

Shun (09:12.681)
okay.

Tamara Zantell (09:12.686)
That's interesting. That's interesting.

Shun (09:18.493)
That's you

Macquell (09:25.438)
or pay a company to take care my mom for me. So clean, helper, medicine, food, whatever, whatever that she needs, I'd rather pay somebody to be that provider for her because mentally, I probably can't do it. And I tell her this all the time, like mentally, I can't do it. So, and she knows this already.

Shun (09:42.538)
So that was my next question. You guys have had this conversation and I love it. It's almost, I mean, we can compare it to burial. You know, my father, when my mom passed, he immediately went to my life insurance is here. I'm like, dad, no, wait a minute, I cannot handle this right now. But like he said, my mother passed at 54. These are conversations that you have to have. So as long as you guys have had the conversation, then you know what? I'm all good with that. Minister Tiffany, what is your take with your parents?

Macquell (09:47.695)
yeah, of course.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (10:11.533)
For my parents, actually lost, we lost our matriarch about five years ago. There's five of us. I'm a twin, so me and my brother is the youngest of the five. My take on this when we got together was to care for my mom at home. And again, it's nothing against nursing homes because there is pros and cons also to caring for your parents at home.

Shun (10:37.193)
you

Minister Tiffany Simmons (10:38.897)
But we did take that route. And I can just say that it was something that it wasn't my decision. It was something that we all agreed on. So for us, the pros were keeping our mom in a familiar, loving environment. She didn't want to leave home. She made that clear. She wanted to be at home. And I think another pro was upholding cultural and spiritual values of family responsibility.

We just pretty much just felt responsible. We felt like this was something that we needed to do for her because she was so family oriented and we just felt that separation we couldn't do. Another pro was it was pretty much less expensive. So I mean we do have to keep it real. There is a price tag when you are dealing with a nursing home or a facility that a lot of

Shun (11:08.969)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (11:33.163)
yes.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (11:38.751)
people in our community really can afford. then last, excuse me, repeat that.

Shun (11:42.185)
Not if you want the proper care.

Shun (11:48.138)
I said not if you want the proper care because there's plenty of homes you can afford but would you really want your parents there because let's keep it real that is a conversation that's going on in America, especially during covid a lot of that was exposed how they treat those elderly people in some of those facilities. So mac one thing I can say to what he said was he made sure to say the most expensive meaning I'm not just yeah, I'm not just putting my mother somewhere to be away from me. I'm going to make sure she gets top tier. So right Tiffany that does

Tamara Zantell (11:56.001)
It really is.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (11:58.064)
I'm sorry.

Shannon (12:07.767)
That's expensive.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (12:08.413)
All right.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (12:12.753)
Mm-hmm. Right.

Shannon (12:15.171)
Yeah, yeah.

Shun (12:16.435)
That does come with a costly price tag sometimes. right. I'm sorry. Go ahead and continue

Minister Tiffany Simmons (12:18.94)
Yes.

Another pro for us, it preserved her dignity. Not saying that her dignity would have been lost in a nursing home, but she was able to just maintain her lifestyle, so to speak, that she had at home. So we felt it preserved her dignity and allowed for really that intergenerational connection. It was easier access for the grandkids. She had, what, about 27 to come to still be there to visit, to visit their grandma.

Shun (12:47.241)
Wow.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (12:51.327)
without having to go to a nursing home facility. Now, there is some cons to it. We do have to be honest. Speaking on behalf of myself, there was emotional and physical exhaustion, just like he spoke earlier about we were exhausted, but we were a team. So I will say when you make that decision to care for somebody at home, you really gotta have the support system to do it.

Shannon (13:06.851)
Mmm.

Shun (13:19.017)
Max an only child. So I mean his you make you're making his argument really clear right now, know being an only child You said you were one of five sif. Well, imagine being the only one when you take yourself back to that Do you think mentally you could have handled that?

Minister Tiffany Simmons (13:21.211)
Right. Right.

Yeah.

Exactly.

Shannon (13:30.815)
huh.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (13:35.089)
I don't and it's hard to even talk about it now because out of the five of us it was two of us that kind of had a financial strain because we had to take the FMLA. We had to kind of use up that time and then you know money got tight so you have that emotional that financial strain. Again I was exhausted but I'm thankful that we all kind of came together and had a role. My sister at the time other sister wasn't working so before we could do FMLA to the

Shun (13:38.323)
Mm-hmm.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (14:05.103)
come on in and take care of mom. So it was a strain because and even if you think of it as jealousy sometimes we got upset that one sister or one brother could spend more time with mom than we could because we were working. So there is pros and cons to it. It was tough.

Shun (14:19.881)
Aww.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (14:24.509)
and I will say that in my closing she ended up I ended up having the home that she stayed in. I had the extra room but My mother died in my arms. Okay, so I had that that moment, you know with my mom She she was in my arms. She was there And if I had to do it all over again, I would but do I have that visual that? Some of the other siblings may not have yes, I do so

Shannon (14:36.451)
Shun (14:38.493)
Wow.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (14:54.463)
Like he said earlier, really can be a traumatic, emotional event. It really is. It really is.

Shun (15:03.113)
Wow. Well, God bless you and your strength, sister. I tell you, I couldn't imagine. And tomorrow, we're gonna let you have your take, but I want you to tread lightly, remembering that your parents are my godparents. So don't make me accidentally have to your mic. Okay, don't make me accidentally mute your mic.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (15:07.655)
Thank you.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (15:16.379)
Yeah.

Shannon (15:17.571)
Ha

Tamara Zantell (15:20.012)
You know I'm sitting here listening and I'm like, mmm. Listen, sometimes I be like, somebody come get them.

Shannon (15:24.547)
you

Tamara Zantell (15:30.67)
No, seriously. Yeah, this is such a great conversation, know, listening to both Mac and Minister Tiffany. I have a very similar to both of you, but I also have a little unique situation because my parents are of a becoming of age where these decisions are something that me and my siblings actually talk about. So while and I can resonate with Minister Tiffany while there's a whole lot of kids. My papa was a rolling stone.

Shun (15:31.293)
But you go ahead, what's your take on it?

Shannon (15:31.395)
Bye.

Tamara Zantell (15:58.668)
but there's only very few of them, maybe two of us, and I am one of the two, and my sister lives in Atlanta, so it is me, right? So I'm here and I've already started kind of like this transition, if you will, into thinking about their care, right? Their long-term care. So one of the things that I made a decision, and I feel I'm not gonna, I would be lying to you if I didn't tell you, I don't regret it sometimes, right? But I know it was the best decision.

is I swapped houses with my parents. I had a beautiful ranch home, didn't have a lot of stairs, and it was perfect for two elderly people to navigate. My father has bad knees, my mother's going blind. So I needed to make a decision and I did. So I was like, okay, I'll take the house with the stairs or whatever. It's still a beautiful home, but they took the house that was, you know, I raised my kids in.

And I was like, you need this space, you have your dogs. And that was one of the decisions I made. So now whether that that's the home that they will stay in forever. And I'm gonna say yes, because my mother has made it clear that she does not wanna go anywhere. And my father won't even talk about it. yeah, so it's interesting, but I do, I have had concerns, even like things that I wanna do in my business or in my life. I'm like, I wanna move, I wanna do something else, but I'm like,

Shun (16:48.135)
Shannon (17:01.475)
Okay.

Shun (17:03.977)
Mmm. wow.

Tamara Zantell (17:17.472)
What does that look like? Because I know that my parents aren't going to be here forever. I need to spend time with them and I need to be close to them right now. You know, so those, this is like an active thing in my life right now. One of the things I did, I will say, you know, piggybacking on what minister Tiffany said is that we have talked about and we have benefited from, you know, them being home and my, my, my kids, my grandkids, they're great grandparents.

You know what I mean? And now like this is becoming more more rare, you know, for you to be around. And we've started to record their stories, you know, having family dinners and letting my dad just talk about what it was like when he was a teenager and his like days in radio and all the different things. And like my kids wouldn't have all those moments, you know? So we're capturing moments now and they're going to continue as long as they're accessible. Not to say they can't be accessible if they are in a home.

Shun (17:45.895)
Right, they are!

Shannon (17:47.715)
Mmm.

Tamara Zantell (18:12.704)
in some place really, really expensive like Mac is proposing, it can happen, you know? But the other side of this, I do wanna say really quick before you move on to your next question, is that I had this experience with my grandparents. So I had the beautiful opportunity to take care of my grandparents when they were transitioning. We sold their house in Amherst, which I believe today was the worst mistake we could have made.

Shannon (18:31.523)
Wow.

Tamara Zantell (18:37.794)
because they both had pensions, had a lot of money, moved them to this very, very expensive care facility where they had their own suite and it was like around the clock care, was all these things. And the money, when I tell you, the money just went like poof before our eyes. And then I still, on top of that, even though they were at this top notch place, my grandmother hated it everybody and was cussing people out.

Shun (18:38.675)
huh.

Shannon (18:57.313)
Wow.

Tamara Zantell (19:04.706)
So was like, she's not behaving and she didn't love it. So we had these moments where it was like, your family needs to be here. So we still love our grandmother. So we were still around. So I was assigned as a mother of little baby. I'm sorry.

Shannon (19:07.245)
Yeah.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (19:07.303)
Mm-hmm.

Macquell (19:07.638)
question. So good.

Shun (19:16.805)
Uh-huh. Hold on tomorrow. I think that quite wanted to ask you a question it to be pertaining to what you were saying. Go ahead,

Macquell (19:23.83)
So to add on to that, so I'm fairly young and my mom is fairly young. So I also noticed that my mom tends to not take me serious when I tell her certain things. So she doesn't really take me serious when I tell her certain health things. So I've noticed that she listens more to more medical people more than me. So if a doctor tells her something, she'll listen to a doctor more than if I tell her something.

Tamara Zantell (19:47.854)
Mm-hmm.

Macquell (19:51.799)
So that's another reason why I would rather put her into a home because I feel like she'll listen more, especially when it comes to health and working out or eating habits or medicine habits. I feel like she'll be more inclined to do what they say, what I say because family tends to not listen to other family also when they're younger too. So.

Tamara Zantell (19:57.56)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (19:57.865)
Mmm.

Tamara Zantell (20:08.994)
Yeah.

Tamara Zantell (20:14.348)
Yeah. Yeah, no, I totally agree with that. I agree. I think what we're saying is it's it's it depends. You know, I think it depends on the wishes and the desires of your of your parents. It depends on, you know, culture. It depends on what you have the capacity for capacity, whether it's the finances, the time, the energy, the support system. So really, it depends. You know, my grandparents had had all the money.

Shannon (20:21.655)
Mm-hmm.

Shun (20:26.405)
Mm-hmm.

Tamara Zantell (20:40.856)
They had the beautiful place, but I still had to go there with three little kids and stay the night and grease my grandmother's scalp, you know, three days a week. So it was still a heavy lift for me as a young mom with little kids. And I did it, and I did it proudly, you know? So I don't think we want, I just want to introduce the idea that it's not an either or, sometimes it's a combination.

Shannon (20:48.541)
Okay, yeah.

Tamara Zantell (21:04.002)
You know what I mean? Like you still have the lift because you choose a facility doesn't mean you don't. It's not going to be stressful and all the things that Minister Tiffany said. They still hard decisions is still exhaustion. There's still the financial strain. All the things are still there, you know, so. Or could still be there, I should say.

Shun (21:17.673)
And and when you said before you Right, but you said before you guys go to next question actually that there's no more questions We wanted we wanted everyone to have this opportunity to tell the different sides of it because sometimes Shannon and I just agreed It's not black and white, you know

Tamara Zantell (21:28.334)
that.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (21:35.986)
Right.

Tamara Zantell (21:36.236)
Yeah. Yeah. So I actually was thinking, well, one of the things we started doing, I told you, we did the house swap. We now have a cleaner, cleaner kind of like gentle caretaker that comes, she comes two days a week. Again, I told you guys, my mom's going blind, so she can't, the cooking situation, she will not stop cooking. know, black mom is in their food, in the kitchen and all the things. She is not letting it go. And so, but she makes a mess.

Shannon (21:58.701)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Tamara Zantell (22:03.628)
Right, she makes them, it's like a mess mess, but she can't see it. So we have someone that comes several times a week to do the bathrooms and the kitchen. And so that's helpful. But now I'm thinking, okay, as they progress and they get older and just things they can't help, what other kind of help do we need to bring into the home? So we started doing like interviews and I'm trying to see what other resources are available. So that's where we are right now to see. So it could probably be like a...

You know, they stay in the home, but we do have that extra support so we don't have that caregiver burnout and the skills gap, I think, that Markelle is talking about, whereas like, OK, I'm not a medical professional, so they do need someone that knows what they're talking about, you know, or could give my dad his meds or would know what to do if one of them fell, you know. So that's the next step in this process for me anyways.

Shun (22:59.069)
figuring out what comes next, you know. Shannon, you have a take on it?

Tamara Zantell (23:01.016)
Yeah.

Shannon (23:05.719)
Well, you know, with my dad and my mom, so my parents divorced, of course, when I was three. So my dad, before he passed, him and my stepmother, they moved in with my youngest sister, which was their daughter that they had together. She's my half sister, but my sister. And then my mom and her husband have moved in with my

Shun (23:27.177)
Right.

Shannon (23:34.369)
other younger sister on my mother's side. So that was a different situation because that wasn't my sister's father. It's my mother's husband that my sister had to, you know, determine, hey, this is the package that I'm taking, even though this isn't my dad. But I want my mother with me. So that created a whole nother

situation, but not a bad one, but it was just something that took a while to decide on and she decided to take that on. And because both of these sisters are single, so I think that has something to do with it too. So that's probably a whole nother discussion and episode when you're married and what if your spouse doesn't want to take your parent in, you know, that's a whole nother thing. because, yeah, exactly.

Shun (24:21.298)
Okay.

Tamara Zantell (24:28.27)
you

Shun (24:28.553)
Just like Macwell said, he's aborting that. Just aborting the train wreck before it happens sometimes. Yeah, I get it.

Shannon (24:33.443)
Right, right. Yeah, but both worked out, you know, wonderful. My dad, you know, had a, you know, a great space until, you know, he passed. And then my mother's doing well. Her and her husband are doing well at my other sisters. So, you know, I would take them, anybody. luckily I did, you know, my husband, when I did

ask him about taking my dad in. He said he'd take anybody in. So I'll take your mom, I'll take your dad, I'll take anybody. But yeah.

Tamara Zantell (25:06.904)
Mm-hmm. I love it.

Shun (25:11.656)
That's that's so amazing I think Shannon I've said on the show before we went through that my my ex-husband and I the the second husband y'all let's refer to him as a second husband because we you know, so the second husband I ended up taking my dad because he you know, he had a nervous breakdown and I was just we were a fresh relationship and then like I was single in my own house when I met him and like instantly like

Shannon (25:22.661)
Okay.

Shun (25:36.266)
Two months later. It's like dad needs to live with us. He's like, all right, cool. What's your roomie? Which room we giving him? Then he came home the next week was like, well, let's just buy another house and give him a, give him his own room. I'm like, this dude is nice. So, you know, it worked out. He is nice, but then I ended up marrying the other husband again. Right. So I came back to Buffalo and honestly, I miss my mom and dad every single day. Cause just like minister Tiffany, both of my parents have transitioned and

Shannon (25:40.835)
I'm

Shannon (25:48.278)
you

Tamara Zantell (25:51.712)
He's nice.

Shannon (25:51.939)
All right. Right. Right.

Shun (26:05.361)
I can't help but wonder if them being called home early wasn't in my cars with the life that I'm living right now. Like Tamara, I couldn't imagine still having to care for my parents with what I'm doing on the entrepreneur side and what you're doing. So God bless you seriously. And because of this journey I'm on right now, I know for a fact I wouldn't be able to walk in it. There would be no way because my mother and father had eight kids. But guess what? I was the last person to get my mom home.

Shannon (26:27.458)
Hmm.

Shun (26:35.101)
The father the last house my father had I bought it, know, even though it was eight of us It was you know, it's almost was like, you know, not that they didn't help don't get me wrong But I was the kid that I was gonna make sure it was all good in the end No matter what I had to sacrifice even though I was a brand new My husband I were brand new newlyweds bringing your father on is a is a hard thing But I'm gonna tell you guys honestly I'll say it right now. It didn't affect our relationship at all. He was a wonderful guy

Shannon (26:39.139)
Hmm.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (26:49.863)
Thank you.

Shun (27:03.685)
And he and dad got along and everything was fine But I don't know what that would look like even with Jimmy and I right now You know what I'm saying because our dynamic is so different So every situation has to be assessed differently just like anything in life But I couldn't imagine tomorrow doing what you're doing when I think about all the things I had to do for my dad dialysis doctor's appointment specialist and Now going to a production meeting. Hey, we need you to be here to film in two days. It would have never worked

So sometimes what seems like You know a misfortune is sometimes a blessing because I would be worried about my parents every day If I couldn't be with them and I had to leave on a whim fly to the country flat, you know, so God took them home unexpectedly and very quick and for the purpose of this topic I can say that i'm thankful that I don't have to choose Between my parents and my career or my children

Shannon (27:33.507)
Wow.

Tamara Zantell (28:00.717)
you

Shun (28:01.083)
And I sympathize for anyone that do. I couldn't imagine it.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (28:05.531)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Tamara Zantell (28:05.57)
Wow, that's an interesting take. Thank you for sharing that. Because I didn't even think about it that way. But I would say that if you had to, you would. If you had to, you would, right? If you had to, you would.

Shannon (28:10.435)
Yeah.

Shun (28:13.435)
If I had to I know if I had to I wouldn't have my career. I would absolutely choose my parents every time so yeah Because you're having to choose your parents

Shannon (28:14.157)
Bye.

Tamara Zantell (28:20.182)
Right, yeah. And I'm actually in a weird place because I'm like, I'm doing right, I'm choosing my parents, but I'm just so grateful. And it's like, thank you, Lord, that I have the resources. And this is where it comes down to, now everyone has the resources to support their parents.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (28:20.669)
Okay.

Shun (28:33.086)
Yeah.

Shannon (28:34.285)
Yeah.

Shun (28:35.891)
That's right.

Tamara Zantell (28:37.152)
You know, like I got a text from the house cleaner and she's like, well, I need to do this, this and I'm like, girl, you running up the bill. What's happening over here? Right? So it's like, everybody has a different situation. There's so many things, you know, my mother can't drive soon. My father's not going to be able to drive. So then like, what does that look like? I don't even know yet, but I know by the grace of God, I'm going to work it out. It is going to work out.

Shun (28:53.811)
So.

Shun (29:01.779)
But did you guys all hear that we have five different situations just on this just on this podcast tonight? You see why it's so important to have these conversations Minister Tiffany and I's parents are both gone home, but hers is in a total different way Both of my parents died suddenly like no one expected it. No caretaken I talked to mom Wednesday night Thursday morning. She was dead. I talked to dad today before Thanksgiving Thanksgiving day He was dead like it's so different, you know and minister Tiffany

Tamara Zantell (29:07.916)
Yes, yes.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (29:08.637)
Yeah.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (29:19.197)
Hmm.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (29:27.303)
Wow.

Tamara Zantell (29:28.142)
and

Shun (29:31.087)
You know went through the whole thing her mother died on mackep mackwell's mama still not in the place yet that she He has to make that decision shannon's parents are both living now Her father lived with her sister. No, I know I said he lived with your I was I was coming through to correct it He lived with his daughter before he transitioned and now her mother is living with her daughter and tamara is Managing life taking care of parents and being a super kick butt entrepreneur. You know what i'm saying? so

Shannon (29:40.843)
No, not my dad. Yeah.

Okay, okay.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (29:59.217)
Good night.

Shun (30:00.624)
If anyone's listening, I hope we all was able to provide something here tonight that it doesn't have to be black or white Sometimes it can be mixed it can make gray it can make clay or it can be a very expensive home according to mcwell So does anybody else have anything else they want to say before we wrap up?

Shannon (30:07.939)
Right.

Tamara Zantell (30:09.262)
Mm-hmm.

Shannon (30:17.069)
Hehehehehe

Macquell (30:20.534)
not that can think of. mean, besides, you know, I think it depends on everybody's situation. Of course, your family dynamic, your religious background, your financial background, where you live, because,

Tamara Zantell (30:20.908)
I love that, that's funny.

Macquell (30:37.622)
because my mom, she lives in a single floor house. I live in a house where I got stairs. So my mom didn't like stairs, so she couldn't even come here if she wanted to. And I live in my mom's house, but my house is bigger. So I like being in my house more. So it definitely depends on the dynamic. It's a big thing also. My mom has cats. My wife don't like cats. So that's definitely a really big thing.

Tamara Zantell (30:44.93)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Shun (30:46.193)
you

Tamara Zantell (31:01.388)
You are so practical. just love your take on things. Like, it's not gonna work out. But this is the benefit, Shun and Shannon, the benefit of having the male perspective because it's just like cut and dry. Like, it's not gonna work.

Shannon (31:01.443)
Ha ha ha.

Yes, yes.

Macquell (31:04.339)
I'm very sorry.

Shun (31:12.265)
Freaking benefit. It's always a benefits come and dry. It's no guessing. She can't come here and I'm not going there Minister Tiffany Minister Tiffany. Do you have any parting words for us in the audience?

Tamara Zantell (31:18.775)
I'd say- period.

Shannon (31:18.947)
Ha ha ha.

Macquell (31:19.06)
Yeah.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (31:20.807)
Yeah.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (31:24.667)
Yeah, real quick, I just want to say that at the end of the day, the question is not just where will our parents live, but how will we honor them in the way they deserve? That's the real question. And so for a cultural truth, I just want to say that for black families, the choice is rarely simple as you see on tonight. And I just want to say it's where love, history, money, and survival all meet at the kitchen table.

Tamara Zantell (31:35.598)
Mm-hmm.

Tamara Zantell (31:53.036)
Mmm.

Minister Tiffany Simmons (31:53.585)
nasty cultural truth of it all.

Shun (31:56.369)
It's a pet. It's a pet.

Tamara Zantell (31:57.474)
That's it. That's it. That's it. I love that. I don't even feel like I have anything to say, but I do.

Shannon (32:01.205)
Yeah. But she does. Wait a minute. Let's mark.

Shun (32:02.729)
And I think I mean I mean I gotta do the wrap-up I didn't

Tamara Zantell (32:08.01)
I know, but it's a truly long drop from my corner.

Shun (32:13.427)
So what you got to say, Ms. Tamara?

Tamara Zantell (32:15.374)
No, I just what I was thinking before Minister Tiffany dropped the mic was just you know, sometimes the most the most loving the most loving decision is not really one that looks perfect, you know to outsiders and I think tonight we proved that it's a very personal thing and It's it's it depends like I said before but it's definitely one that ensures safety dignity and the peace You know for your parents for our parents and for your family. That's the bottom line

Minister Tiffany Simmons (32:46.586)
Amen.

Shun (32:48.435)
kind of feel like y'all stepped on my wrap up. I'm not really feeling that because I don't know how I'm supposed to follow up between you and Mr. Tiffany, but I do have to close it out. So I'll try and I'll just wrap up tonight's topic home versus home with a quote I once heard and then I'll just kind of go off of that. Sometimes 10 apparent to parents can raise 10 kids, but in the end it's hard to find one of those children to care for those parents.

Shannon (32:53.379)
Hmm hmm hmm hmm.

Shun (33:15.281)
until that casket closes and everyone shows up with their hands out. I don't want that to be us, anyone on this podcast or anyone listening to this podcast tonight. We should all remember that a very critical time in our parents' life, they chose us. Even if it wasn't convenient for them, we're here. So if and when you reach that crossroad with your parents, I pray that everyone makes that decision with the same love, keeping in mind the sacrifices they made for us. And that's my wrap up for tonight.

Shannon (33:46.512)
Thank you, Shun. Excellent wrap up. On to our next segment, which is the sound off.

Shun (33:57.662)
So we've come to the sound off segment of our show. This is where we announced a song related to the topic of tonight while also helping to add to your musical playlist. We use songs from all categories, songs from all genres. And tonight we have two, because you know what? We have two parents. So Shannon made a request that will not be happening tonight because I'm not going to be on here crying, but we're going to introduce that in season six. Sorry, Shannon. I know you was going so disappointed. So I'm going to go ahead and let you down easy here,

Shannon (34:18.753)
Shun (34:27.177)
But because we have two songs and we had so many guests I knew we'd go over. But for our mamas, because the mama's always the queen of the house, we have boys to men, mama. Okay, Shannon, I'm gonna give you a little bit. Mama, you know I love you. So if y'all ain't heard that, that is the song tonight for our mothers. And for our fathers out there, we have Luther Vandross, Dance With My Father. If.

Shannon (34:27.466)
Okay.

Shannon (34:38.979)
He

Shannon (34:42.435)
Bye!

Shannon (34:50.947)
Dance with my father, yes.

Shun (34:52.889)
If not, I will not attempt that one because I'm telling y'all where that's going straight to the tear barrel. So anyways These are two timeless classics that crosses all color bears and need no explaining So Shannon, I'm sorry I couldn't honor more of your requests But if you have any songs that you'd like us to sing I'd be too emotional Shannon tell them where they can add to our or add about our perfect wonderful guest tonight. Where can they send their requests to?

Shannon (34:55.565)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Shannon (35:06.755)
That's fine.

Shannon (35:13.219)
Mm-hmm.

Shannon (35:17.067)
Yes, we welcome your feedback and your comments and you can send all of that to wifeyandbabymama at gmail.com. Once again, that is wifeyandbabymama at gmail.com.

All right, that is our show for tonight. We want to thank our guests once again for joining us. know, Mac, it was so great to have that male perspective. We always, always welcome that. Minister Tiffany, thank you for first time for your first visit. We welcome you both back anytime. Tamar, you're one of us. You might as well be a third host. So anytime you want to come join us, you don't even need an invitation.

Shun (36:05.065)
So thank you all so much for answering the call Shannon. This is our last episode with guests next week You all we're gonna have to break your heart with our goodbye episode But we'll hand you all the statistics give you a few things We're looking at for season six and we hope that we ended our season with guests with the band because these three were wonderful tonight and so

Shannon (36:15.649)
Yes.

Shannon (36:26.433)
Yes, wonderful. Thank you all so much.

Macquell (36:30.4)
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Shannon (36:33.411)
All right, until next week.

Shun (36:34.087)
And we love you all. Bye.