Getting Over Without Getting Under
Download MP3Shun:
Hey, I'm Shawn.
Shannon:
and I'm Shannon.
Shun:
And we're the host of Wifey and Baby Mama. We're excited to have you back with us another week. And as always, we appreciate you listening. So we're gonna get right into tonight's episode because we have a WBM red line winner tonight. And baby, it's a hot
Shannon:
Yes
Shun:
one and
Shannon:
we
Shun:
I'm gonna
Shannon:
do,
Shun:
need some time.
Shannon:
yes
Shun:
So
Shannon:
we
Shun:
here
Shannon:
do.
Shun:
we go. Tonight's
Shannon:
Alright.
Shun:
topic is titled, Getting Over Without Getting Under. Now based on our whole concept of the right and wrong way to do things when we're aiming for healthy, uh, Happy foundation, you know in your relationships or families people this is definitely a no-no, but I will be honest This is exactly what I was taught to do by my mom and most of my female influences growing up As i'm sure were many of you This was a common
Shannon:
Wow.
Shun:
concept for a lot of people. Yeah, it was a common concept for a lot of people around me or
Shannon:
Okay.
Shun:
Baby just get you another one child while I certainly don't think most of them meant You know any harm or was
Shannon:
Right,
Shun:
intentionally
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
stirring me down the wrong path in A lot of cases people pass down what they were taught right what they saw or what they experienced or how they got over the next man And that was times. I'm sure when people were just bitter and wanted to create other damaged people People so on whatever terms you may have learned this concept or theory Unlearn it please
Shannon:
Please.
Shun:
And if you haven't experienced this yet when someone suggested run full speed
Shannon:
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, because when you use someone else to get over someone else, what does that say? What
Shun:
Right.
Shannon:
does that say? Were you really not into that person? or In using someone else really get you over that person if you were really into them and in a lot of cases You know, it doesn't we all have friends.
Shun:
It doesn't.
Shannon:
We all have family where they're like, oh if I get with this guy you know, that's that's the one and that will get me over this past guy and how many times have we seen
Shun:
that
Shannon:
that
Shun:
be successful.
Shannon:
same yeah it's not successful or they go back to that previous guy you know
Shun:
Well,
Shannon:
they're still
Shun:
yeah,
Shannon:
holding
Shun:
so,
Shannon:
on
Shun:
yeah, I spoke on this in the chapter in my book, Shannon, anyone listen who've
Shannon:
Uh
Shun:
read
Shannon:
huh,
Shun:
it,
Shannon:
yep,
Shun:
my mom
Shannon:
yep.
Shun:
has been teaching me this since my first devastating heartbreak, right? When I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, breathe straight,
Shannon:
Oh yeah,
Shun:
she literally
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
said, you know what you have to do, get you a new man. All that crying isn't gonna help. And since I had seen my mother now have her way with men, I just knew she was right, because mama didn't play honey. She had it all in check when it came to the male company. So I thought she had all the answers. But
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
I
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
tried applying this theory and all it did was add fuel to the fire. And it was, it always ended in one or two ways. I would go fall head over heels, trying to prove to the other, the old lover, you know, I was onto the next and so happy that I wasn't even thinking about them, just like you just said, Shannon, you know, and I end up too attached to the person who was just a placeholder only to
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
look up and they would be with something. So I'm like, wait, I thought we were together in actuality. They were just passing time and I was trying to build a bond. So it never had a chance from the start, you know, and that would
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
leave me, like you said more hurt now on the other side of it, it has been times too when I did this foolishness and
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
I was at least a bit interested in guys like you said, you know,
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
but if he came
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
along around the right time and my ex was still in the picture, you know, I would date them and pretend to be all up on them until my ex either came back because that was my goal in the first place.
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
I got past my feelings for them and then boom I would dump the placeholder and his feelings would be hurt either
Shannon:
Right
Shun:
way It's no good and
Shannon:
now.
Shun:
to this very day I remember the way it affected two guys in particular one was it you know I dated in my 20s and the other was my second husband I still have moments when I think I wish I wouldn't gotten involved with them you know, they were really good guys and I was damaged and And ended up changing them and I often pray To this day that God has healed them because that was all my mess You know and it was clear that my encounter is what affected them. You know who they
Shannon:
Mm-hmm,
Shun:
were
Shannon:
right, right. So when you look at the things that you take away from those experiences, what's the biggest impact, do you think, it has on not only you, but to the people out here doing it, outside of the soul ties?
Shun:
I think it's more long-term damage that you're doing to yourself. You know what I'm saying?
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
I'm doing more long-term damage to me and the person who's doing the get over getting on, you're doing more long-term damage, especially if it's the first scenario when you fall head over heels. So now you're not only dealing with that hurt from that X you just lost, the person you chose to use as the get over get under person, either you've damaged them or you really started to like them because that's what you've used and you haven't really dealt with the problem. You get what
Shannon:
Right,
Shun:
I'm saying? So
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
now you're
Shannon:
Oh
Shun:
still
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
dealing with the problem of the first breakup and now you're dealing with either i've created person in this I've created pain in this other person's life or You know now i've got two issues to deal with because
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
I really kind of was starting to like this guy But he didn't want me either. So now there's something wrong with me. You're just
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
creating more damage to yourself And like I said possibly the other person that you brought into the situation
Shannon:
Right, right,
Shun:
um
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
If we just took a moment people Took it to God and refocus Heal properly that that's really
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
the only way to do this thing
Shannon:
Yeah, yeah. And sometimes you just have to sit in your pain. You know, a lot of people, that's why they have vices, you know?
Shun:
Mm-hmm.
Shannon:
Oh, if I drink this, if I, you know, snort this, if I do that just to get out of the reality, sometimes you just have to sit in it because you'll miss the lesson, you'll miss what was meant for you to learn from it. A failure
Shun:
Absolutely.
Shannon:
isn't always you know, a failure, you know, failure
Shun:
That's right.
Shannon:
can sometimes be a win. And if you don't sit in that pain, now I, you know, I'm very, very guilty of going too far, extreme because I'll sit in pain for too long. You know, I'll take years and they'll be like, Oh, you ain't dating anybody. You know, you're not, no, I'm just going to sit in this for a little while or whatever. Um, and, and a lot of time it, it wasn't even heartache cause I didn't enough to, or when I say care, meaning my heart wasn't in it, it was more ego for me. I had, or probably still do, I shouldn't say past tense, but my ego would get so bruised. And so people would tell me all the time, you're like a dude, you're like a dude, because it's all about ego versus heart. And not only just with relationships, with anything, even with work, with, I don't know, driving down the street, it's like... I just always have this mentality where I have to win. It's not
Shun:
Right.
Shannon:
about the object of my affection or anything like that. It's just, oh, I gotta win.
Shun:
Right.
Shannon:
And it's me messed up and I'm admitting this to all of you listening around the globe. Yeah, yeah, Shannon has an ego problem.
Shun:
I mean, I mean most of us do but I want to speak to something when you said vices So yeah people
Shannon:
Oh
Shun:
say
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
oh no, you're just not getting the right person Well, I remember doing one of my spouse with my husband our first years of dating before we even married You know even thought about having kids a long time ago. No long time ago. Oh We were just going back and forth, right? He didn't want to commit then he did they needed more relationship But got all kinds of perturbed like when he would see me out. So I decided you know in this round, you know what? I'm just not getting the right guy, right? But I want just any man, right? I want the one that's gonna bring him to his senses. So still using advice, still using the get over to get under, still not resolving the problem, right? I was gonna bring, you know, I'm bringing to his senses, but my husband looked crazy. So I had to be like the particular right guy, someone to protect me to, Jessica is
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
the one
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
left now, I was on this mission, so. You know, I found me a perfect mister, right? This tall, light skinned, wavy hair, like drop dead gorgeous, hot, right? Like he can protect me, right? And he got
Shannon:
Hehehehehehe
Shun:
all the looks, he got all my qualifications. I mean, I covered all the bases because apparently he thought, in my head I thought he thought when God made a fine man, he just thought with him, my baby, no, they ain't stop with you, I'm gonna go get me another one. But
Shannon:
Right, right.
Shun:
now this other guy had been at me for like over a year and I wouldn't give him the time of day because I was so in love with my man, child. Please
Shannon:
Hehehehehehe
Shun:
this was the cops time to shine right it's time it comes. I called him up We wanted a date and I talked about Jimmy the entire time. He finally said you know what let me take you home I said no, you know, maybe give me another chance The breakup is fresh and I was just getting I was just trying to bid to you because you're so
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
cool And he said well, I'll tell you what we'll go for drinks next weekend We'll try it again girl the next weekend coming I did it again same And he was like, okay, apparently you need some more time. I said no, I
Shannon:
Alright,
Shun:
assure you
Shannon:
right,
Shun:
it's
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
over and he said to me Maybe for him, but definitely not for you And he dropped me off real quick now, fortunately in that case We were able to remain friends and he kind of like helped me coach me through, you know, whatever but Nothing ever became of it because he was smart enough to recognize you you're not about to get me in no entanglement You know, but sometimes We can behave well enough or we can put on that the other person doesn't see that we're just there the
Shannon:
That's
Shun:
people
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
can be vices too, you know now
Shannon:
yeah
Shun:
I gave that
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
example because I practiced to get over get under theory for years in many different forms and Unsuccessfully, but my thought process in this case was you know, replace them with a better man Nothing works because no matter what the person looks like what you're snorting drinking How nice the one
Shannon:
I'm
Shun:
is
Shannon:
going
Shun:
you
Shannon:
to go
Shun:
how
Shannon:
ahead and
Shun:
much
Shannon:
close
Shun:
they
Shannon:
the video.
Shun:
make you know in a year any of that? Like I said, time and prayer are the only proper avenues into the next successful relationship because you have
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
to be healed before you go into your next relationship or nine times a day it's not gonna be successful.
Shannon:
Look at how many of us or people we know or, you know, that carry this stuff to the next relationship. And we've talked about this, of course, many times on our show, but like Erykah Bagdue, you know, bag lady or
Shun:
bag
Shannon:
even
Shun:
lady.
Shannon:
bag man, you know, we just carry this stuff. And when you're not healed, you know. you're going to take it out on the next person and probably end up in the same situation. So you have this cycle and you're like,
Shun:
Absolutely.
Shannon:
oh man, we will point at people all the time. Oh, look at such and such. She can't keep a man,
Shun:
I'm
Shannon:
you
Shun:
sorry.
Shannon:
know, because, because it's not about keeping the man. So I don't want all the, you know, all
Shun:
Right.
Shannon:
the, you know, the protesters to come after me.
Shun:
I'm sorry.
Shannon:
My point, my point is, you know, when you're doing the same thing over and over again with just different guys, you're not going to get a different result. And it sounds so simple and people, oh, that's just common sense. Everybody knows that. Yes, everybody knows it. But do they do it? Hex, no.
Shun:
It's and that's what I remember thinking like you said over and up mom I kept thinking like I remember thinking like my mom was having a heart of steel, right or a magic spell in her
Shannon:
Uh-huh.
Shun:
pocket Because every one of those get overs by getting under and in more heartache or confusion, you know I
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
even had a couple of stalking situation after these encounters and that's when I also realized the seriousness So a playing with other people's feelings to appease your own, you know,
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
so again There's nothing you can do in a get over get under situation to make that work. Now, can people stay together after they did a bounce? Absolutely. But
Shannon:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shun:
even years go by and I found people who've done this, Shannon, and years go by and guess what they say? I don't really know this person. You know what I'm saying? I don't really know
Shannon:
Hehehehe
Shun:
how I ended up here because after so long, it's like, OK, this is what I'm doing. You know, and
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
even at the years of being with the get over, the placeholder. They're still harboring feelings for the last person.
Shannon:
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
Shun:
So that's why it's the safest thing to do is just refocus and heal. I'm telling you.
Shannon:
Right,
Shun:
That's why they say like,
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
don't jump into one relationship to the next, not even in the bed. Don't jump anywhere.
Shannon:
Exactly. Yeah,
Shun:
You know,
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
don't
Shannon:
And
Shun:
jump
Shannon:
I'll tell
Shun:
anywhere.
Shannon:
you this, right, even with my son, you know, he's single, he's out here, you know, in this dating world, you know, doing his thing. And he'll, you know, from time to time, you know, introduce me to somebody. And when he brings home anybody that has a child under the age of two, I tell
Shun:
Mm-hmm.
Shannon:
him every single time, watch out. because she's probably not over the baby's father.
Shun:
Oh that's the absolute fact. That's a very good
Shannon:
Absolute.
Shun:
point.
Shannon:
And he's not taking my word, of course. And he's been bitten twice
Shun:
Wow.
Shannon:
and heartbroken twice because that's exactly what happens. They go back. So look at yourself. And as we say, a theme of our show is don't lie to yourself. Do
Shun:
it in.
Shannon:
not lie to yourself. If you know you're still hanging on, you still have some feelings or whatever, sit in it. Sit in it and just deal with it and heal and make yourself better before you move on. Because if that person comes back around, just like Sean has said a few times tonight, you're gonna hurt the other person. For
Shun:
That's
Shannon:
what?
Shun:
right.
Shannon:
Because you were hurt? You know, come on. It's like enough collateral damage, you
Shun:
That's
Shannon:
know.
Shun:
right. It's time to refocus as an entire generation as a people
Shannon:
Mm-hmm,
Shun:
like
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
our whole goal here is for healthy endings Right. So whatever you have to do and whatever you have to sacrifice in your own heart to make you better than when Shannon's saying Sit in it. It doesn't mean waddling like
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
You know
Shannon:
yeah, yeah.
Shun:
let your pain consume you get counseling if you need to sit in it means stay to yourself until
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
that pain of that past relationship has subsided and Whatever you have to do to sit in it Do it take walks hang out with your friends, you know
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
go out girls nights go up You know guy dates go up with the fellas football games. We're not saying sit in it sit in the dark be miserable
Shannon:
Bye.
Shun:
But sit in it Without another person being involved
Shannon:
That's right.
Shun:
You hold
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
it until you're healed
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
and however you need to get over that and get to your healing Hey, it's up to you go for it
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
But but don't bring another person involved because it's just so like I said, it never ends good either way And I want to wrap up. No, no, go ahead, Shannon.
Shannon:
Well, before you do, yeah, I just want to say to, you know, to those who are thinking that they feel better, you know, with the next person or with the next, like I mentioned earlier, you're missing whatever lesson you're supposed to learn. And also when you do go through the pain and the trauma and really take it on, you are stronger. I know everyone hates the cliche and the song won't that, you know what they say. what doesn't kill you make
Shun:
or
Shannon:
you
Shun:
kill
Shannon:
stronger.
Shun:
you makes you stronger.
Shannon:
Yeah, but it's true. If
Shun:
It's
Shannon:
you
Shun:
so true.
Shannon:
really take it on, you have to take it on. You can't say, oh, this is killing me. So I'm gonna go run out and put the band-aid and fix it myself, you know, the wrong way. Fix it the right way so that you can grow and mature because what we don't wanna be is immature emotionally. I don't care if it's your relationship, your... you know, friendships,
Shun:
parenting
Shannon:
whatever they are. Yeah, parenting,
Shun:
Whatever
Shannon:
oh my gosh, yes,
Shun:
You don't
Shannon:
yes.
Shun:
you need to be emotionally fed and you need to be emotionally strong to handle those
Shannon:
Yes,
Shun:
things But
Shannon:
yes.
Shun:
what you said what don't kill you make you stronger Shannon before I wrap up I'm trying to rush to the wrap up y'all cuz we got a juicy honey We got
Shannon:
Oh yes
Shun:
a juicy
Shannon:
we do.
Shun:
juicy.
Shannon:
We
Shun:
Yeah, just
Shannon:
sure
Shun:
a juicy
Shannon:
do.
Shun:
red line winner But before I want to just before I wrap up I want to say something to your point that I'm happy you made me say what don't kill you makes you stronger Don't equate that as a bad Or a bad quote equated to if God brings you to it. He'll bring you through it So and you
Shannon:
Exactly.
Shun:
know some people say what don't kill you make you strong if that turns you off and say if you bring He brought me to this. I'm strong enough to get through this and he'll be with you the whole way
Shannon:
That's
Shun:
but
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
um Yeah, so great point. I'm happy you slid that in but you know,
Shannon:
Hehehe
Shun:
I Want to wrap up this topic talking topic with? this piece of advice when a relationship has come to an end, being it peaceful or toxic, right? Because sometimes things end in peace and it's not all bad.
Shannon:
Oh yeah,
Shun:
But
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
it hurts, it
Shannon:
Yes.
Shun:
hurts. Maybe not to the point of locking yourself in the house for months or
Shannon:
Okay.
Shun:
going out to drinking or starting smoking weed or
Shannon:
I'm
Shun:
until
Shannon:
sorry.
Shun:
you feel, you know, until you don't feel anything. Or if you just pretend it never happens and you go numb, however
Shannon:
Oh
Shun:
you
Shannon:
yeah.
Shun:
cope with it, it has an effect on you. But getting under the next person to get over the last is not the proper way to move on. to your next relationship or situationship or whatever it is y'all calling it these days. Because you will either end up with more emotional damage or worse damage another innocent person. So find
Shannon:
All right.
Shun:
something else to focus on until you're whole again and trust that anything that you lost wasn't meant to be on your path to move forward anyways. So,
Shannon:
Awesome.
Shun:
I'm ready for my red line. I'm
Shannon:
Are we
Shun:
ready
Shannon:
ready?
Shun:
for my red
Shannon:
Are we
Shun:
line.
Shannon:
ready? All right for the red line.
Shun:
Alright tonight's red line is courtesy of our September WBN winner of the month, Jamika B. And she writes, and I quote, My husband has female friends I've never met, and he never talks freely with them on the phone if I'm around. So who knows what they're talking about when I'm not around. I told him I don't like it, and he called me insecure. I don't believe husbands should have female friends his wife doesn't know." End quote. Okay, Jemeika, before I answer, first of all, let me start by saying thank you for listening and writing in and congratulations on being chosen.
Shannon:
Congratulations, Jamika!
Shun:
Secondly, let me ask, is your husband named Jimmy? Because baby,
Shannon:
N-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h
Shun:
this was all him a few years back. Okay.
Shannon:
Oh no.
Shun:
I know the audience has real questions, right? And we want to give them real answers, right? So
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
here
Shannon:
Heh
Shun:
we
Shannon:
heh
Shun:
go.
Shannon:
heh.
Shun:
I made that joke because my husband and I very painfully just crossed that hump a couple of years ago. And when the issue was first presented itself, when it first presented itself, that was his exact answer. Why are you so insecure about a phone? They can say what they want. That doesn't mean I'm saying or doing anything inappropriate. I'm married to you and as long as I'm respectful to our marriage. Who cares what another woman calls and says? That was his answer. Now this was mine.
Shannon:
Mm.
Shun:
A woman can call and say anything she wants on anybody's phone, besides my husband's. You have those kinds of liberties when you're single or dating. That trip down
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
to the altar puts you in a whole different category. That's why it's so important to understand that before you make that kind of commitment. You are no longer just living for you. You become one on that day. And when something offends
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
or disrespects me or your partner, it should apply to us equally. He went on to say, well, you're acting like they're asking for sex or something, you know, something crazy like that. They're just calling to either talk, see how I'm doing or to get something done. I then explained that their words may not be crazy, but their thought process is very disrespectful. They're calling because you're married. And first of all, half of them mad about it, right? But if they can't have you, at least I can have a piece of you by calling when I want. And that is enough for me. Now that's disrespectful for them to do, but it's even more disrespectful for your husband to allow it. Because one thing I had to learn with age is to stop going after the other woman first. And I say first for two reasons. One being you should always take up any relationship issues with your partner initially. But we all know there are some persistent wankes in this world and I just
Shannon:
laughs
Shun:
use that word, you know, it's Kristen Show. So it's something.
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
something oh God Jesus Initially, but we all know it's sometimes necessary to deliver a personal message, right? Take
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
it how you want, but I'll give you one warning about mine after that after he's asked You know someone to social show some respect and it continues, you know, I'll step in and I'll do it I have to do but it also
Shannon:
Yes.
Shun:
Doesn't matter right if I'm gonna check the another woman's behavior if your man is gonna steady let it you know continue to let it happen
Shannon:
Oh yeah,
Shun:
So here
Shannon:
exactly.
Shun:
are my suggestions Speak with him again peacefully about how this makes you feel Jamaica Like I said peacefully if he has any excuses or it's eras he if he's dismissive about it From my experience not a guess is something more than a friendship If he continues, regardless of how it makes you feel and he wants to rationalize it, then you have to access what's best for you as a grown woman. In my case, I no longer had time or patience to wait around for someone to decide, you know, how to treat me and honor me. Either you give me the same respect I give you or you be without me, period. My husband was also grown at the end of the day and he was welcome to let, like I said, a thousand women call his phone. He just couldn't continue to be married to me and do it. So... Since we are still married, you know, it's safe to say he rectified it. And I can't say,
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
Shannon, to this day that some don't still call occasionally trying to be
Shannon:
Right,
Shun:
slick.
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
Because
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
again, some people are just disrespectful and neither he nor I can control stupidity, right?
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
But I'm confident
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
enough in my marriage now to know he'll deal with it accordingly. And
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
it's everyone's choice to decide how they deal with their own situations. But there's no reason for any man or woman to have a friendship that the other person doesn't know about. I mean any conversation going on that I can't be priviled to
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
unless y'all planning me a surprise party that that's about
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
it now This is not to be confused This is not to be confused with the other party shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex I said that before
Shannon:
Oh, right,
Shun:
I think that's
Shannon:
right.
Shun:
actually healthy
Shannon:
Yeah, yeah,
Shun:
But friends
Shannon:
yeah. Mm-hmm.
Shun:
are just that shannon and it should be nothing secretive about it So
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
jameka assess your situation and do what you need to do based on those suggestions
Shannon:
Yeah, in my situation, like we, you know, we're both married and our, you know, we have situations
Shun:
Right.
Shannon:
and similar, but the only difference is I did know the quote unquote cousin everybody. Everybody know, man or whatever that has that, what they call them play cousin or whatever because you find out they're not really related. Oh, they're just my great uncle was married to yo. great you know niece or some
Shun:
Right.
Shannon:
you know crazy stuff like that so anyway this cousin oh he would talk to around me or whatever but you could tell the conversation went normal or there was the disclosure the phone would ring hello and hello hey i'm sitting here with shannon okay why you gotta say that
Shun:
I Think I'd make a disclosure when it's just your cousin,
Shannon:
Run!
Shun:
but let me ask you did he say that when anybody called or just? When the cousin called?
Shannon:
the cousin
Shun:
see
Shannon:
so I had to let him know look I don't know what's going on and it might not be anything and oh no it's nothing that doesn't what I don't care all I know is the cousin can't call the cousin it you know either the cousin's gonna become my friend or the cousin gonna get to know me a little better or something because right now I've seen the cousin in passing I don't know a lot about her and she's not really your cousin. So if
Shun:
Hilarious
Shannon:
she was your friend and you're honest, say, hey, this is my friend. That's
Shun:
I'm
Shannon:
one
Shun:
gonna
Shannon:
thing.
Shun:
go to bed.
Shannon:
But quit with the cousin stuff, y'all. Please.
Shun:
Wait a minute now, you know, you took us away. So when you when you guys see him, does she interact with you? No, no, and I'm saying you know my question, you know, it is mine and his mouth stay
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
running.
Shannon:
yeah,
Shun:
So
Shannon:
yeah. No, I've
Shun:
so
Shannon:
only
Shun:
when
Shannon:
seen
Shun:
you
Shannon:
her
Shun:
see
Shannon:
twice.
Shun:
each
Shannon:
Yeah, I've
Shun:
But
Shannon:
only
Shun:
when you
Shannon:
seen
Shun:
saw
Shannon:
her twice.
Shun:
was that normal?
Shannon:
We were at
Shun:
Was
Shannon:
a
Shun:
it friendly?
Shannon:
big
Shun:
Was it,
Shannon:
family
Shun:
you
Shannon:
event.
Shun:
know?
Shannon:
You know, it
Shun:
Mm-hmm.
Shannon:
was just high and, you know, hey, you know, how you doing? You know, that type of thing. No real conversation
Shun:
Okay.
Shannon:
or anything like that. Not at all.
Shun:
I mean, cause I'm just telling you something. My husband has a cousin in the Carolina sound
Shannon:
Real
Shun:
with you
Shannon:
cousin.
Shun:
and, and she is real cousin and she calls him her boo. And when they talk and laugh because she's his cousin, she will
Shannon:
I'm
Shun:
text
Shannon:
sorry.
Shun:
my phone or she hit me up on Facebook, like tell my boo to smile in that picture. Now him, I'm gonna get him. So I feel like if you're that close of a cousin, it should be a
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
relationship with the wife
Shannon:
it
Shun:
as well.
Shannon:
should
Shun:
That's
Shannon:
be
Shun:
all I'm
Shannon:
exactly
Shun:
saying.
Shannon:
and that's what I wanted him to understand too that yeah if she's that cool with you she should be that cool with me
Shun:
That's all
Shannon:
you know.
Shun:
I'm saying because every male that I'm like dead cool with like my brother My husband is dead cool with him like his brother like we
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
go to their houses. They barbecue they'll
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
go to the store without me That's all I'm saying and not saying it wasn't a real situation I'm not saying that your husband, you know I'm just saying
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
it gives off a certain persona when things
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
aren't just openly disclosed if it's just really nothing You
Shannon:
Mm-hmm.
Shun:
know what I'm saying? So
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
wow. Yep. That's a good point. So Jamaica Congratulations!
Shannon:
Yes, congratulations, Jamika. You get your $100 gift card. And thank you so much for this Red Line. We had fun with it, even though it's a serious topic. We hope we are able to underscore the seriousness with our,
Shun:
examples.
Shannon:
you know, message tonight. Yeah, examples, yes. So if any of you would like to win a $100 gift card, please submit your red lines to wifeyandbabymama at gmail.com. And if your submission is chosen to be read on the show the third Thursday of each month, we choose a winner. If yours is chosen, you will receive a $100 gift card. And once again, congratulations to Mika, and we thank you for listening. Um and going forward maybe we'll start with season three but just a heads up and we'll try to remember to remind everyone If you can just tell us where you're from When you submit
Shun:
Yes!
Shannon:
your red lines, that would be great to know even if it's just
Shun:
We
Shannon:
the
Shun:
like
Shannon:
state
Shun:
to know where you're listening
Shannon:
or
Shun:
from.
Shannon:
the country.
Shun:
Yeah.
Shannon:
Yes.
Shun:
We
Shannon:
Yes
Shun:
like to know we need to shout out Virginia, Charlotte, Buffalo,
Shannon:
Thank
Shun:
Alabama.
Shannon:
you.
Shun:
We just want to give you a shout out peeps.
Shannon:
Yes,
Shun:
Africa,
Shannon:
oh and
Shun:
Japan, Europe,
Shannon:
uh huh, oh and
Shun:
cause
Shannon:
speaking
Shun:
we are global.
Shannon:
of, yes we are speaking of. So we'll let everyone know, Sean and I had a goal. We had a goal that by October we wanted to be in 10 countries. That was our goal. This is September. And as of this week, we just hit country number 12. And country number 12, people will say, oh, that sounds kind of fishy. But country number 12 just happens to be my last name, Brazil. So welcome to
Shun:
Welcome
Shannon:
the people
Shun:
Brazil!
Shannon:
of Rio de Janeiro. And believe
Shun:
It's awesome.
Shannon:
me. So 12 countries, so we've surpassed our mark of 10. So we are so thankful
Shun:
Won't he
Shannon:
for
Shun:
do
Shannon:
those of
Shun:
it?
Shannon:
you. Yes, yes, those
Shun:
Thank
Shannon:
listening
Shun:
you guys for
Shannon:
and
Shun:
your
Shannon:
downloading.
Shun:
faithfulness
Shannon:
Yeah,
Shun:
yes,
Shannon:
we appreciate you.
Shun:
we appreciate you all and we love you
Shannon:
Yes. All right, into our final segment of the night. The fictional family I'm feeling. So the fictional family I'm feeling tonight comes from a 1980s movie. Now, you all got to remember, I grew up in South Dakota. So you'd be like, wait a minute, St. Elmo's Fire. Sean probably never heard of it.
Shun:
Yeah, yeah, I love that movie with the guy
Shannon:
Oh,
Shun:
with
Shannon:
you
Shun:
the
Shannon:
did?
Shun:
pretty eyes. Mm-hmm
Shannon:
Okay, so
Shun:
The
Shannon:
St.
Shun:
dark hair
Shannon:
Elmo's
Shun:
and the pretty
Shannon:
Fire.
Shun:
eyes
Shannon:
Rob Lowe, is that who you talking about?
Shun:
Yes.
Shannon:
So in this particular scene, oh, so the, well, the movie's about college. They all went to college together. They graduated. Now they're trying to make their way as young adults in the workforce. And there's a whole lot that goes on. But the main couple of the group are Alec and his girlfriend, Leslie. Now, Alec wants to marry Leslie. And the reason he wants to marry Leslie, he says, is so he can stop cheating on her and playing
Shun:
Mm-hmm.
Shannon:
around on her. And so she finds out at a party that he has been cheating on her. She never knew that he was doing all of this. So she finds out at this party, she gets mad, and she leaves and ends up getting with his best friend, Kevin, that night. So she tried to use Kevin to get over Alec. So as she's laying there that next morning in the bed with Kevin, Alec, who of course is Kevin's best friend, comes in the apartment because he has a key. Now he's not in the bedroom area, but he's talking. you know, to his friend Kevin, who's in the bedroom. He's like, you know, I really messed up. I don't really think I'll be able to get Leslie back. And he's just going on about, you know, his love for Leslie. Now, mind you, Leslie's laying there after just being with his friend. She's crying. She's distraught. She's upset. And because she's listening to, obviously, the man she loves talk about how he don't think
Shun:
He
Shannon:
he
Shun:
made
Shannon:
could win
Shun:
a mistake.
Shannon:
her back. Yeah, yeah. So her running to Kevin, the best friend, using poor little Kevin to try to get over Alex ended up breaking, of course, Kevin's heart. And of course, her own heart, because she was devastated to know that Kevin didn't help her get over Alex because he or she is crying over him. And of course, Alex found out and Friendship was kind of ruined, but it just goes to show what we've talked about this whole night. You cannot use anyone unless you're just that cold hearted and selfish
Shun:
Right.
Shannon:
to say, hey, I'm gonna hurt somebody else just because I got hurt, or I really think I can get over this person with this person. So that is the fictional family I am feeling tonight.
Shun:
Great fictional family
Shannon:
Thank
Shun:
girlfriend
Shannon:
you.
Shun:
and attest to everything we just said it never works out for
Shannon:
Never.
Shun:
the right Reasons and I did I did see that movie. Thank you very much. But um, it's a perfect example It just doesn't
Shannon:
Yeah.
Shun:
work. So getting
Shannon:
Right.
Shun:
over to get under is a no-no if you don't take anything away from this episode time prayer refocus healing
Shannon:
feeling. Amen. Oh, hey,
Shun:
fictional family.
Shannon:
thank you, Sean. Okay, well, that brings this episode to a close. And we want to thank you all once again for joining us each and every Thursday, taking a little bit of your time to listen to Sean and Shannon as we try to spread a little bit of joy. And of course, you know, Sean's gonna Make sure she keeps us laughing as well. Thank you for that. And we look forward to next week.
Shun:
Love you all.
